Hey i just broke up with my gf!!!
Ja thashe ata gjerat qe tha kjo Enkela po kam frike se ja thashe mbrapsht nga e djathta ne te majte.Ajo e shkreta u tremb kur e pa se doja sex 24/7 dhe iku...
Tough luck!!
oh well,its hunting season again now
Hey i just broke up with my gf!!!
Ja thashe ata gjerat qe tha kjo Enkela po kam frike se ja thashe mbrapsht nga e djathta ne te majte.Ajo e shkreta u tremb kur e pa se doja sex 24/7 dhe iku...
Tough luck!!
oh well,its hunting season again now
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" asked Joanne. "Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."
Ja se cfare kerkojne disa prinder nga djemte qe duan te dalin me vajzat e tyre :
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and
current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______
G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE
parent?___________________________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _
7. Number of years your parents have been married
____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A
waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly
button ring? A tattoo_________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to
you?____________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to
you?
__________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ___________________
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend
__________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and
priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is
________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
________________
c) A woman's place is in the
________________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
_____________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
__________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________
Signature( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause
you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by
two gentlemen weaning white ties and carrying violin cases (You might
want to watch your back)
Professor Of Mathematics
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
Ndeshkimi
A married man left from work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"
"That would suit me just fine!!" the man said.
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.
Tuesday went by with the same result.
Wednesday went by with the same result.
Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye.
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway. I make them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane. Way too much time on your hands too? Call me. SWF, 42, 5'10", brown/blue.
SWF, 27, obnoxious, silly, pierced, tattooed, insane, hormonally unbalanced, Rollerblading, sushi-eating, cartoon-watching redhead from Hell, seeks Vlad. My neck is all yours. BITE ME.
Don't call me if you are uneducated; unemployed; unhealthy smoker; felon; under 30 years old, 5'10"; over 40 years old, 6'8", 230 pounds; like cats, channel surfing; make less than $30,000 annually; or have body parts pierced. Others feel free.
MEN SEEKING WOMEN
Fat, flatulent, over-40, cigar-smoking redneck seeks sexy woman with big hair to cook, clean and pick up unemployment checks.
Desperate lonely loser, SWM, 32, miserable, apathetic, tired of watching TV and my roommate's hair fall out. Seeks depressed, unattractive SWF, 25-32, no sense of humor, for long talks about the macabre.
Handsome DWM, 40, seeks loving, romantic S/DWF with round, bulging bubble butt and pretty face with monogamous intentions, 28-40.
Thick glasses, HP calculator, SAT 99th percentile, knows pi to 16 digits. Great job, big house, pool. SWM, 33, 6'0", 144 lbs. Better looking than Bill Gates.
And then there were these from the PERVCONNECTION:
I need to be punished! Well-off older WM needs expert discipline from young, under 30 men or women. Enjoy leg worship and harness-training.
Married WF seeks bald Asian dwarves for sex experiments. I love it when you little bastards are naked.
If interested in first-time group sex experience. Safe sex only with sensitive, attractive couples or groups, no animals. Age unimportant. Will travel. Let's be buddies!
Pick-up Lines
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: May I see you pretty soon?
Woman: Don't you think I'm pretty now?
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. or Stop.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Let's start with your bank account.
Man: May I have the last dance?
Woman: You've just had it.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing
The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:
FIRST THE WOMEN
40-ish.......................... 48
Adventurer...... Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic....................... Flat-chested
Average looking............Ugly
Beautiful..................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.........Bring your penicillin
Educated................... College dropout
Emotionally Secure......Medicated
Feminist..................... Fat; ball buster
Free spirit................... Substance user
Friendship first..... Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun............................ Annoying
Gentle........................ Comatose
Good Listener............. Borderline Autistic
New-Age.................... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned........Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................... Loud
Passionate................ Loud
Poet......................... Depressive financially insecure
Professional.............. Real Witch
Redhead................... Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque............ Grossly Fat
Romantic.................. Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous............... Very Fat
Weight proportional to height....Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate........One step away from stalking
Widow...................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart.......... Toothless crone
THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST
40-ish....................... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.................... Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking.........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................. Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit................ Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first.....As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun......................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest..................... Pathological Liar
Huggable..........Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle........... Insecure, overly dependent
ahahahah, ajo AP to date my daughter ishte e nolt fare...cjam shkri.
Our greatest glory, is not in never failing but in rising in each time we fall!
Kane ardhur kohe te keqia moj Albanian cutie :)
Ja dhe 1 tjeter qe besoj se do ju beje te buzeqeshni ...
Math Exercises
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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