Ditari i ndjenjave (gjuhë e huaj)

[hajla]

i,vas thinking of yesturday,but i,m trying to figure aut wat's going on today?

[Lioness]

God, the anger I have inside of me. Actually it's not anger, it's wishing to be angry, mad, upset, anything for that matter, anything rather than zombie, anything rather than emotionless.

The usual excuse is that it's winter. I remember writing a long time ago: "live every season to the fullest, but give your soul a little bit of spring ... " I have forgotten spring ... when was the last time I gave my soul a piece of spring?!

[Lioness]

My eyes are still red from crying yesterday.

First, I read smth my friend wrote about his experience of leaving Albania, the first days, the trauma, the feelings etc.
Then, like that wasn't enough, I started reading the letters my parents, my friends wrote to me the first years away from home (I have kept every single one of them.) I then started reading some of my writings in high school ... the voyage of return to innocence (if I may borrow a title from enigma) proved to be disastrous, emotionally that is.

Finally, to add to that insanity of tears, nostalgia, feeling of loss, I watched for the second time "Cinema Paradiso," a movie that ripped my soul apart first time I watched out, and it didn't fail to do the same the second time around.

Yesterday, emotionally I was an earthquake. Today, the return to normalcy is bittersweet, but I can't very well survive without it, could I?

[Veshtrusja]

i,vas thinking of yesturday,but i,m trying to figure aut wat's going on today?

what about when one thinks of tomorrow? ehh.... its odd how we can sometimes see so clearly what will be in the tomorrow when, on the other hand, we're not so sure of what's going on today

life is weird.....

[IsiNYC]

...not fully willing..... i threw my legs over the edge of the bed and swung my body up like zombie, while carrying my blanket over my shoulders. And just as I was about to stand up to prepare for another day of work, I saw the snow falling and thought, I wish I could play the piano.

[*~Rexhina~*]

I woke up late today...it must be the dreams, i still remember them. I figured it was good to wake up late since i have the whole day to study for my last final exam...than i remembered that i didn't do the Timesheet...man the thought of getting paid in four weeks scared the be jeezes out of me. I quickly got out of bad and called my sister, who is a fulltimer and deals with the timesheets..."has the time passed to do them because i woke up late"..."well you need tlo do it right now, i will be here till four" she says and closes the phone...in 10 minutes i got ready and when i got there i couldn't find a timesheet..."oh man...and my sister is in a meeting"...i called her she didn't pick up the cell, so i figured she defintly is in a meeting...as i got out in the hallway, this guy friend (not a good friend) asks "what you got me for christmas"...i was laughing "what?"..."have you bought it yet"..."have you bought me anything?" I asked sarcasticly.."i asked you first"..."so answer first"..."jeez woman you better buy me something before you go to your parents".../." yeah yeah sure you too"...and at that moment i was thinking "tridhte gjashte gusht...oh man and he lives in the same building...if he knocks on the door i will tell my sisters not to answer, bc he will ask them also what we got him for christmas :p"

[Leila]

Well, it was good while the post wasn't edited.

[DeLiRiUm TrEmEnS]

Leila wrote:

The impression of all Korcaret (males and females, alike) hiding a very lovely S&M leather whip somewhere under their beds must be a fairly recent one entrenched into my subconscious, but it's a definite one, obnoxious and not budging, and to add insult to the injury -– it taunts me. It has already taken deep roots in my psyche and has spread its wide leaves, shaped like my petrified eyes. They warned me about plenty of folks but never about this strange people who add an extra r to every r they see so the Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… (--infinity) suits them well. Come to think of it, I don’t think I was ever warned about the things I should have been warned about. But I wouldn't want to blame the parents because they only thought they were raising themselves and then the real problem will become obvious -– would it do any good? Nope, no, sirree, it sure wouldn’t… not unless the person ordering me to watch out happened to be from Korca. So now I indulge my paranoia every time I’m given the chance and even question this probably very nice little old lady from Korca because she somehow shares the same gift that sets these people apart from the others -– with the teensiest inflection of their voice I’m compelled to “yes ma’am” them. (Pause for upcoming hopefully dun-dun-dun effect. Adopting a Carrie Bradshawesque tone for the theme-- ) Is it possible that these people will never, ever appeal to me in any other shape or form except in a wholly perverted, yet I’m sure sophisticated, sado-masochistic sort of way? What a torturous thought! Why them? Why me?

P.S.: This is not a complaint. On the contrary… gër-r-r… :D

P.S.S.: You can play the smart one, but ... not with me!!! ... Now, if u want to put in work your conections with "moderatoret" you are welcome, Gloria!!! (Just tell me how much are you going to "pay" them!!!)

Delirium answered:

... I have to write in English, however I would prefer the Serbo-Croatian language; so we could understand ourselves better, although we never wanted too. ( … For unknown reasons, I think! … You possess a different opinion, that’s your problem.)

... Long time ago, I washed my soul from the “amerikanski” invasion; something that you accepted with pleasure, based on what I can read. Your tremendous love for the cold, icy, freezing English language creates a harsh environment of NAUSEA, around me - stronger than Sartre’s one.

... And,... so I step back on my “damned” native language: “Në emrin tim dhe të shokëve të mi – dekretoj amnisti për nënat e moshuara dhe të vjetra na mësuan përralla të gjata e të pafundme rreth Zotit dhe …, na treguan rrugën drejt ‘Pallatit Inekzistent të Faljes!’.”

As far as I am concerned about your piteous existence, I feel I have to call back the spirit of Freud, so he can decipher your paranoia, as well as your generalizations of the word “korcaret”. It’s up to me if I decide to remain inside the literary borders of my ideas - in the name of those marble stones that cover the graves of my solemn grandfathers,… of the numerous candles burned in respect of the angelic spirits of my grandmothers,… based on the pebble feelings of the amphibian paths that fed my teen spirit age – when I will reach at you, that’s another story - (lets paint it black-and-white, for the moment).

I’ve to keep in consideration, the fact, your up-coming comments are going to be full of sneaky long highways of “Grrr”-s or “Pfff”-s; I will feel sorry if I have to personify all Elbasanllinjte, based on your wordless/worthless character. You can put in work “beautiful” idioms, delivered by surrealistic Ibsen’s drama, neo-realistic Fellini’s sequences; still …

... As a conclusion, just to make u feel “advanced”; (it does not matter how much you are going to hate me, my parents, my children, my lovely birth-town); whatever your real name is – you are just another Gloria.

I baptized the heavy silhouette of the wardrobe, next to the window, after you. … Simply,… because, you are one of those girls who DOES possess a more superior shadow than your own spirit.


P.S.: This is not a complaint. On the contrary ...

[DeLiRiUm TrEmEnS]

Well, it was good while the post wasn't edited.

It's not edited; it's still alive: "the Queen is dead, long life the King!!!"

[Leila]

Hate? Korcaret? But... but... why? I have the utmost respect for them. They're the only people I actually love as a whole, even the bad apples... egh, not you, though. They're the only people who teach me new & cool Albanian words. Not even Elbasani gezon this much... honor, if you will (ha, got ya! my "superior shadow..." lol). Nejse, varja. Nje pfff me shume s'ndryshon gje. You were just waiting for the chance to pounce on me all along, because I highly doubt that you didn't understand what I wrote (qe nuk ish aspak ofenduese, por basically -- qe korcaret te bejne zap).

Talk about arrogance...