Ditari i ndjenjave (gjuhë e huaj)

[IsiNYC]

Hopefully 2005 will be a year whose bitterness will be diluted in a stew of other years and one day, although I will never laugh about it despite everyone's suggestions, I may turn around and say, ahhhhh 2005, good riddance!

[*~Rexhina~*]

yes 2005 has sucked for me too

Waking up in the morning is the most unpleasant feeling anyone can experience (at least for my part)...I asked for a later shift...one that is not 8 in the morning :/...apparently some other students had asked before me...it will end soon...one more day, and I will turn to my daily routine...the day seems longer...maybe because i keep watching the time...3 more hours...2 more hours....30 minutes...5

[PrInCiPiEl]

~Our Lady Peace~

*Angels/Losing/Sleep*
Healthy in Paranoid Times [DualDisc]

What a music!
Fantastic CD!

Cheers!

.

[IsiNYC]

It has been a good new year. Busy weekdays and entertaining weekends. Goethe says, "A man can endure anything except a succession of ordinary days" only to soften it with "Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must" All in all it sums up to living and I am certain that that is what I am doing. I rarely set up a chair in my back yard anymore to stare at the sky for stars. It used to be my 'quality alone time'...silence and the murky NY sky when generous enough to let a few stars shine through. Anyway, to spare you reader, anymore tedious detail - what i mean to say is...I miss slowing down and enjoying life, so tonight I paused for a few minutes and looked up. I would imagine I resembled a believer searching for the face of God, but the expression on my face would have told you otherwise as my spirit resonated, and for the moment I was a God.

There's always melancholy in nostalgia. However, it is distinguishable from the mourner's melancholy. No, I certainly was not mourning. It was a bittersweet melancholy, celebratory in nature as it was marked by a memory of happiness, a longing for it - nostalgia. "Happiness is the longing for repetition" (Kundera) I searched deep within me, and pulled memories locked in boxes that have long been shelved. I felt the brisk January air gently burn my skin and thought of repetition as I mechanically moved a cigarette in and out of my mouth; inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale - if it only were so simple.

[s0ni]

I feel like I'm racing against time, I wish to get everything done just as I want to. Hopefully tonight and many nights to come, I can get a full night's sleep instead of laying in bed for more than 1 hour thinking of what I have to do with my future plans.
I'm so jelous of people who sleep as soon as they hit the bed :(

[*~Rexhina~*]

I never laughed so much in a class before, I love this teacher :). What a great sense of humor. I also like the class because desks are tables, thus two or three people can sit together, somehow I miss that. Whenever i think of yesterday I keep thinking of the story our teacher told us, and what happened during class. My friend Tatiana, was so hungry that her stomach growled, she quickly looked at me with a terrified look on her face because it was loud, I couldn't hold it i put my head on the desk and was trying to hold my laughter, the teacher runs to our desk and tells us "what was funny"...i didn't say anything, my friend mumbled that it wasn't what he said..and he was like "why were you guys laughing"...and she says 'my stomach made a sound"...he couldn't hear her so she says it outloud "my stomach made a funny sound"...i was turining red because i was trying so hard not to laugh outloud :p
Than he starts telling a story (like he always does, that is what i like about him) and he told us once during class when he told the students to write down some notes, his stomach made such a loud noise that a student thought that he was saying something and kept asking him "i am sorry Dr. Moechel, i didn't hear the last part" :D
and than he told us another story of when his pants were ripped during class...he went to pick up a paper that he dropped and suddenly a ripping noise comes as he bend down, when the next class came he had to tell a student to pass out the handouts, but when a student in front of him dropped a pen, instictly he went and bend down to get it...than when he went outside he was covering himself with the bag, but a teacher saw him and wanted to talk, so he puts down the back without thinking, and as he was talking to him some students come out and sees his pants..and he goes on to tell us what happened, i was laughing so hard that i didn't even noticed those 3 hours that passed...
Now i am at work...i had to sign out a lop top for this guy, damn he is good looking: P black hairs and eyes, kind of looks like a pretty face...he smiles and i get his ID, and than a lop top, he asked me "you speak spanish"...i didn't hear him so when he said it again i said "oh no"..."no?" he said in a surprised look..."where you from?"..."albania"..."oh albania"..."yes, is in southeastern europe" i smiled...i must always say is in southeastern europe hmm.

[Cupke_pe_Korce]

Last night I dreamt of an upturned soil. I was reminded of my grandmother – she believed one receives bad news when dreaming about it. The old woman died a long time ago. I can't recall her face but I can still hear her voice. She was thin, medium height, and always dressed in black, which was uncommon in our tradition because my grandfather was still alive. They say she was weeping for her son who died young; I never new him. Strange! for I never saw her weep. To my recollection, she was always cheerful, playful, and so full of energy that, long after her death, I just couldn’t believe she was gone, gone forever.
Sundays were special days. She would dress me nicely and, after arranging a bouquet of fresh flowers, she would take me to the cemetery. She would take no one else but me. She thought I was such a neat little girl, and this would make my pride soar: by her word, I was an adult. The road to the cemetery was marvelous and unspeakably quiet – a scenery I enjoyed to the depths of my being. Lush vegetation on both sides made it impossible to see across, while on scattered aspen trees, nightingales would sing the hymns of heaven. At least, this is how it felt, for I was in a dreamy mood until at a distance, I would distinguish the little hill. When we had arrived at the entrance door, my grandmother would unlock it, push it hard, and I would hear the rusty thing complaining in a horrible noise. Why on earth had they made it so heavy?! as if these corps would get up and set themselves free. And, as we would pave our way through the dewy grass I would feel my feet getting soaked – this is how I new it was always spring there. Only when we had arrived at the tomb I would notice her sadness; she still didn’t cry but softly whispered a few words while making the sign of the cross several times. I could tell the old woman was lost for a moment because she had completely forgotten about my presence. But soon enough, she would come to her senses and reach for my hand in silence, squeeze it in hers, and head toward the fountain. At this point I would sigh with relief, other voices would reach me and deep inside, I would feel that she had come back, we both had come back, and perhaps we never crossed that border….
My head felt like exploding. No wander! I had forgotten my morning coffee.

[IsiNYC]

"We All Feel Better In The Dark" |Pet Shop Boys
In a hurry as I was late for work, I tripped over a stair leaving the subway station. I wouldn't have normally cared, except for, she was blond (not my type) but she was beautiful (everyone's type) and I imgained I blushed a little and although the Albanian in me said, "I'm fine - I didn't even FALL" - I looked into her eyes and I had indeed fallen instentanously and chose honesty instead. "I'm FINE" I said with a smile. ....and I really was.

[Undefined]

I have an exam within two hours and cant wait to take it and be over with. I couldnt sleep last night even though i tried, thoughts...beautiful and sad kept running back and forth trying to find an answer..."i feel like im flying but afraid of reaching the top"what if?....and there he is, always in me...Why am i afraid of loving...and being loved?!!! Sometimes it sounds scary all this love that i have for him...

.....2 more damn chapters....

[Messerschmitt]

Ho sognato un mondo d'amore:

verdi prati e fiori colorati,

farfalle libere che giocano col vento,

le onde del mare che limpido s'infrange

sulle dorate spiagge

e sui massi di granito e di cemento.

Senza più i ricordi della rabbia e del rancore,

senza i pregiudizi del colore,

né il gioco crudele del potere,

né il perpetuo rincorrere del valore:

non più oro, non più città oscure

di nubi tossiche e di catrame nero,

ma un mondo nuovo, una nuova progenie,

dove speranza è viva e acceso è l'amore,

e la vita scorre come il fiume al sole..



A nuk eshte dilema e vertete e jetes.. ky konflikt i perbotshem midis endrres dhe relitetit... Do te donim te ndertonim nje parajse me ngjyrat tona mendore.. dhe ajo qe ndertojme eshte thjesht nje iluzion tjeter.. Valle a ka nje bote te pandotur nga putra njerezore.. Nje bote ngjyrash dhe pafajsie.. Nje bote ku mund te jesh ti zgalemi i Gorkit... rera e bardhe apo nje foton ne fund te fundit... "por zgjohemi cdo dite ne kete gri te perjetshme.. matrix i deformuar nga pesha e rende e njeriut te Ri, luspat e gjakosura te kesaj toke dhe duhma e qelbur e BBF-se....".. Deri kur..?