Ditari i ndjenjave (gjuhë e huaj)

[AngelGirl]

Dear Diary,

how are you? :)

I dont know where to start, I cannot be bothered to sound rhyming and understanding, just feel the need to express these unknown where they come from thoughts.

Just a while ago i gave up on it all and set my mind it was for a good cause especially for me. Getting to that point was difficult but got there and it felt good but ofcourse the memories were unerasable but in time learned to find them amusing and sweet and important of all a great private tuition lesson.

Everything carried on perfectly normal and tomorrow seemed brighter and fuller then today. Although the puzzle pieces were moistened, the puzzle was close to being completed. Just as the puzzle player was close to completing, a hand reached and grabbed the last piece... and all of the sudden stuck in a inactive moment between the three, a heart beated so fast felt like it was going to stop forever and gently "Step away, dont try and replace me, the chair wont hold you it will break" were the words that flowed from the puzzle piece taker. It was something the shattered heart had been longing to hear for ages.

Standing still and cold here thinking about it all, feeling stronger and happier but frightened of driving round in a circle. Gave it another chance hoping from the lesson learned, you could be tought something better, so far its been so good, but the days to come make the heart feel shaken and frighten yet excisting. The words are so sweet and full of life, but will the actions be the twin of the words; its the wonder running through the mind all day.

It survived it around the first time, so please take a step back and re-think it all before you make another mistake and forever fall.

[Rebele]

He traces triangles on my small back, counting their corners in barely more than a whisper. 1-2-3-4-3-2-1. A smooth transition from 3 to 4 and back to 3 again. As I feel his long index finger skate across my skin, I cannot help wondering. The three other corners each appear twice for the one appearance of 4. 4 shouldn't be there at all. Triangles only have three corners.

Triangles trace him, too. His hands and feet are tapered into triangles. He has the usual collection of two hands and two feet, making four triangles on his form. I speculate that's what the 4 is for. Yesterday, I asked him if his fingers moved independently of one another or if they always coordinated as a unit. He merely stared at his tapered hands, delighted with me for noticing and with himself for harboring such unique appendages.

I think I will get a henna tattoo.

[AngelGirl]

Its so hot and i cannot find anything to cool me off.

Day shines through pretty nice and fast, but as night falls i feel lost in a world of wonders and i see question marks, which is why i dread closing my eyes. I try to write the thought down as in my head they are blurry, but i cant do that either, do not know why everything is blocked and seems so un required to be thinking about, but yet i cant stop it.

Hmhmhm interesting as am so full but yet feel empty. I think I'll get back to reading my book. A mother's story by Sarah Payne, is the book am reading at present. Its funny how everytime am reading it, no matter where i am, at home, in a train, a bus, a library or sometime the park, out of nowhere i find myself inside the story of the book, i feel like i am there when everything is taking place, going through the loss and grief of those people. Sometimes i feel embarrased reading in public as i often shed tears.

A poem i read somewhere....

Summer

Summer slides but slowly to the sea
Underneath the mirror of the sky.
Memory meanders into dream,
More strictly accurate than it might seem,
Ending where the truth must ever lie:
Radiant essence of eternity

[Lov!]

i look at the sky and wonder why, the sun is up again. i look at the flowers and wonder why, they always seem to smile. i look at the fields and wonder why, different things go. well, i know the reason why, people are made to be different. life would be in boring....so my friend. try to be your self every now and then

[Undefined]

Sapo degjova per vdekjen e nje komshijes (mosha 45-47) qe kisha ne pallat ne shqiperi, e konsideroja si nenen time... {te prehet ne paqe shpirti i saj)
..............
................

Vdekja mizore, fajtore
E nje shpirti qe shkoi edhe s’kthehet me
Neper zgavrat boshe te shpirtrave
Qe e deshen fluturoi
Ku disa se pranuan
Ishin thjesht genjeshtare
Per vdekjen e ketij shpirti u gezuan
Sa mizore jeta
Sa mizor njeriu
Kerkon dashuri me shume se cfare jep
Kerkon te luaje edhe pse lendon nje jete
Kerkon qe jeten ta gezoje shume e me shume...
Bark i pa fryre
Trup i pa rritur
Mendje djallezore
Shpirti I vyer
Cudi!!!!
Gjithcka kaq negative
Ne kerkim te perfektes
Cfare genjeshtrash, cfare mashtrimesh
Ne kete bote iluzionesh
Iluzione qe mbysin realitetin
Iluzione si rrjete mirimangash
neper cepat e nje shtepie te vjeter
shtepi ku vetmia, erresira
psheretima e nje bulkthi
hapat e nje hije tashme e panjohur
humbetira ne hirin e pa fund
te frikeson....
E urrej ekzistencen time
Kur perbuzja dhe perqeshja te lendojne
Si dy shtriga qe forte rendojne
Ndersa ne loje perparojne
E di …
Gjithcka kaq negative
ne nje kerkim te hicit
ne kerkim te dickaje te panjohur
gjithckla relative
sa keq
.....


Mom! Where are u?
I need you now, please
Don’t let me no
I need your smile, please
Show me so
I need your love
Mom please
I feel alone
I want your warm hands
It does not matter if those are strong
I need to breath in your chest
To rest
Please do not go
Not now, never
You have to stay with me
You have to promise me
Where is the love that you showed to me?
If it was true, it should help you
To stay alive with me
Do you remember the stories that you read
Years ago when I still was a kid
You talked about love
How love changes, people lives
How death did not exist
Because there was love and need
Now, those are not true
Am I blind or I am just looking at you
Please say me something it does not hurt
It does not matter even if you shriek
Please open your eyes
To see the shiny eyes so light so alive

.....
nuk kam me fjale...

[BRADYKININ]

Dear Diary,

I had a rollercoaster day, today. It started bad with me getting up at 11 AM. Hmm, whose fault is that I wonder? :D Then I got soaked wet from the rain and had to change again for my evening engagement. It took me over 2 hours to get to my destination by public transportation and then call a cab for the last 10 minutes of the trip. Lol. I hate weekends and construction work that truly becomes an obstacle.

....Tonight, I met some wonderful people and had a great time in their company......The ocean always makes me feel peaceful, especially in the evening. It's a divine remedy...one of those you can't buy at any of the pharmacies. It also gives me an appetite, which many of the local Mediterranean restaurants will gladly satisfy.

.....Later on, I learnt that our family's best friend got into a car accident and is now at a nearby hospital. I wish I had a car!! I feel bad I can't be there for him in these difficult times. He has no family here.....

...And as I thought I could finally erase all my problems and turn the lights off to rest, I found out that forumishqiptar displayed the names of all those who wrote private comments. Sometimes we wonder who writes the cute, anonymous notes. At the same time unconsciously we ponder on the negative ones, as well. You want to know who wrote such harsh words to u....but then, watch what u wish for. U might be surprised when u find out...u might be left spellbound!!!! Hmm, now I truly wish I never found out but some people never fail to surprise me.

Nite ppz. Tomorrow is another day. ;) Ju pershendes me kengen SMILE te Charley Chaplin.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

<instrumental interlude>

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

[StormAngel]

The fewer the words the bigger the feeling.

Some of them are from a song...

"Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you"

...and so the day goes by, with the melodies in my head. :)

Are you happy?
Be happy!

[BRADYKININ]

"Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you"

Awww, so romantic stormi. :D

Has it ever happened to you to say what you want to say at the exact time you wanna say it and then repent what you said?

[StormAngel]

Awww, so romantic stormi. :D

Has it ever happened to you to say what you want to say at the exact time you wanna say it and then repent what you said?

But of course
Many times I have repented saying what I have said and yet so many times I have repented for not saying things I should have said.(huh, let me figure out did I wrote down this just as I wanted...oh well, you`ll understand what I am saying to trie). The world is a sphere, and yet people put them selves in corners. :)

Did u wanted to say something to me?

Or let me quote Robert De Niro

Are you talking to me? :D
lol

[BRADYKININ]

Lol, u and ur quotes! :D

Yes, I did want to say something to u: "what the heck r u doing up so late?" :D I see the green light under ur name on.

Question for u....would u say sorry if u repented what u said or u'd go on as if nothing happened? (ve me bast qe stormi do thote, do kerkoj falje) :D