Ditari i ndjenjave (gjuhë e huaj)

[*~Rexhina~*]

i am so anxious to know my grade today...3 more hours...these last days since i heard they wanted to move me to another building which is 40 minutes by walking made me quite angry and ready to quit...so stupid...'sisters can't work in the same building" pff...i was getting used to library, and it wasn't far...plus, there was him...we had one shift together and two others with some co-workers...when i told him today that i was moved he said the weirdest words "i will miss you" and with a weird look on my face i pretended like i didnt hear him "what???"..."i will miss you"..."yeah sure shut up you lier"...coming from him? the one who loves making fun of me, as a vegance for some sarcastic funny remarks i have said about him, the one who called me an annoying unattractive brat?...but is not so suprising, lately he is becoming weird, even came looking for me when i said i will go upstairs to study, which in fact i went home to sleep :p, when i came back to library he told me he was looking for me..."why?' (i thought maybe the boss needed to tell me something or there is something else wrong"...."you know so we can be study buddies"...i couldn't help it, i burst out laughing in front of him :p...how rude :-)

[IsiNYC]

My doorbell rang over and over repeatedly as I slipped in and out of sleep. Troy began to bark and swipe at the door. I covered my head with my blanket and hoped that whoever it was would just go away, but it was hopeless as they were persistant. It was 10 30 in the morning. The sushi and tequila I had thrown up the night before had left a taste in my mouth. My hair was disheveled and I was still in my underwear but I walked straight to the front door with every intention of making whoever was behind it extremely uncomfortable. The bell rang again as Troy tried desperately to get a better look by putting his two front paws on the window ledge and sticking his face through the shades. I opened the wooden door knowing well that the screen door would initially protect me from this morning sleep robber, giving myself the option to reveal the bottom half at my discretion.

She looked at me from the bottom step with a large smile. She held a package wrapped like present in her hand. I opened the screen door and invited her in. I felt uncomfotable standing there in underwear watching her fully clothed, besides it was also cold. I tried to wipe my eyes and realized that I shouldn't speak either as the end result would have most likely been highly unpleasant. "give me 2 minutes" I said as I turned on the TV for her and made my way to the bathroom.

I returned 5 minutes later, equally as puffy but much cleaner. She stood and handed me the package.
- " What is it?"
- " Happy birthday baby" she kissed my lips as i stared back confused. Has she forgotten that we're broken up? Did she by any chance see a dream that night and awoke traumatized and lost sense of reality? Besides my bithday passed 4 days before!

I unwrapped the package to my surprise to see "Laughable Loves", "The Joke", "The Book of Laughter and Forgetting" all by Kundera, my favorite author. I looked up amazed, happy. She had taken time to pick out exactly what I was missing and just as I was finishing that thought she said,
-" I waited outside until I saw your parents leave, they're gone for a while aren't they?"
-"I assume so. This is...wow, Kundera, you remembered....everything I d...." she interrupted me.
-" Yes books, because I want to _______ your brain too" she said seductively, as she put her arms around my neck and began to kiss me.....

[BRADYKININ]

Thumbs up, Isi. I like your writings...especially this last piece. It looks like you worked a bit harder on the syntax and word choice.

[Larsus]

-" Yes books, because I want to _______ your brain too" she said seductively, as she put her arms around my neck and began to kiss me.....

Po pastaj?

and then you woke up--- too much of a hang over this time-- after the "HOSTEL" :D

[IsiNYC]

Thank you Bradykinin! This actually took me shorter than the others....just not as busy at work today as other days and alot easier to focus!

Larsus - I only get hangovers from wine! ;)

[StormAngel]

Till now I wasn't sure that Brady and Lars are the same person.
Anyways, one down, six billion more to go. lol

[IsiNYC]

So here I am, in my bedroom trying to play an acoustic guitar becoming agitated by it more and more. I have alot more fun on a piano but I envy the sound of the guitar. Needless to say, I cannot play either, although my attempts with the piano have been far more successful than those with a guitar. I strummed at the strings and tried to play a 'pattern' that i had memorized from watching a friend play. UGH! I reached for my laptop and opened up my music folder. My attempts had left a rupgnant sound silently vibrating through my room, and I needed to make it beautiful again. I put on my headphones and stared at the ceiling and as Damien Rice's "Amie" began to play a flood of thoughts overwhelmed me....

Nothing unusual, nothing strange
Close to nothing at all
The same old scenario, the same old rain
And there's no explosions here
Then something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
I saw a spaceship fly by your window
Did you see it disappear?

Amie come sit on my wall
And read me the story of O
And tell it like you still believe
That the end of the century
Brings a change for you and me
Nothing unusual, nothing's changed
Just a little older that's all
You know when you've found it,
There's something I've learned
'Cause you feel it when they take it away

That is all I remember, as I lay sprawled out on top of my bed covers fully clothed and headphones still intact. The song led me to a world of illusions that I may write about soon.

[BluE-MooN]

Another sleepless night, so accustomed to those by now. Waiting for something that is long lost, that forcefully i still expect to come back. A loser's hope as i used to call it. Now as it seems there is no strength to even call it that anymore. It is just a blind sentiment that is waiting to depart this lost soul. Hope. I wished it stopped existing inside of me. Why do i not find the strength to extradite it from inside of me. Cease its existence once and for all, let it go .
Where do people find the strength to make drasctic decisions ? How do they decide if it is black or white? No gray allowed.I find myself covered in gray. I can even feel the pores of my skin sucking in the gray inside my body, making it a part of me. I am powerless to stop it. Now i understand somehow what a terminally ill patient feels. Knowing that there is an evil potruding inside your body and you cannot stop it. Conciously allowing it to depart with one piece of you every now and then till there is nothin left anymore.

[Leila]

Ever get one of those phone calls where they try to recruit you in the army? I finally snapped after 15 of them. I think someone from high school played a joke on me and put my name down somewhere.

- … see if you’re interested in the army.
- (laugh) No, I'm not.
- (offended tone) Why – heh – why do you laugh?
- Because I’m a sissy. I cry when I see a bee, let alone when it stings me; THEN it’s the end of the world.
- Well (laugh) I was the same way… (I zone out) blah blah blah (nervous laugh) blah (nervous laugh) blah blah blah… and now when they see me (laugh) they’re like, omg (nervous laugh) that’s you… blah blah blah… the army shows you how.
- (the girl is not getting it) I’m not army material. Never gonna happen.
- (laugh) Why not?
- Becauseeee... (my sister wrote on a card and pointed towards it) because I don't like Bush.
- Blah blah blah… (zoned out again) success…
- There’s plenty of ways to be successful.
- What’s your option?
- (now I'm pissed off) I’ll finish whatever the hell it is I’m majoring in now, maybe travel around the world a little bit… (pause – something doesn’t sound right here) without the army at my tail! … and then, you know, who knows, maybe find a very rich sugar daddy I can mooch off of.
- Are your parents going to pay for those travels?
- Omg, you’re trying to make me feel guilty that my parents are paying!?!? But you're right, I haven't thought this out very well. You think I should meet him BEFORE I travel?
- Blah blah blah…
- OK, I’ve made up my mind before you called anyway.
- Oh, (pure shock) you have? (duh!)

Eventually she wishes me luck on my major, travels and hopes I will find that sugar daddy someday. Me:
- (perkiness) Aw, that’s so sweet! (high pitched) Thank youuuuuu! Good night.

[Veshtrusja]

It's amazing how some events catch us by surprise. Or maybe it isn't so much the actual events but the people themselves involved that can surprise us. Sure life is full of surprises and that is in part why it is also beautiful, but there are times when you do not want surprises. There are times when you need to feel the security inside of that which you expect... and need.

Anyways...............