The Male Brain

[Sherri]

u can do it !!?

try...here:


http://195.92.224.73/j20/content/host.asp

[Sherri]

Murphy’s Law

If Anything Can Go Wrong, It Will.

Nothing Is As Easy As It Looks.

Everything Takes Longer Than You Think It Will.

If There Is A Possibility Of Several Things Going Wrong, The One That Will Cause The Most Damage Will Go Wrong.

Whenever Y0u Setout To Do Something, Somthing Else Must Be Done First.

Every Solution Breeds A New Problem.

It Is Impossible To Make Anything Foolproof Because Fools Are So Ingenious.

Nature Always Sides With The Hidden Flaw.

Left To Themselves, Things Will Always Tend To Go From Bad To Worse.

When Things Just Can’t Get Any Worst, They Will.

Simon’s Law

Everything Put Together Sooner Or Later Falls Apart.

Scott’s Law

No Matter What Goes Wrong, It Will Probably Look Right.

When An Error Has Been Detected And Corrected, It Will Found To Have Been Correct In The First Place.

Finagle’s Law

Once A Job Is Fouled Up, Anything Done To Improve It Will Only Make It Worse.

The Unspeakable Law

As Soon As You Mention Something, If It’s Good It Goes Away, If It’s Bad, It Happens.

Buggin’s Law

The Man Who Can Smile When Things Go Wrong Has Thought Of Someone He Can Blame It On.

[Sherri]

Questions and Answers




Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist?
A: They both fu** up bowings.

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?
A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !

Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
A. Sheep.

Q. What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes ?
A. Slow natives.

Q. What's better than roses on your piano ?
A. Two lips on your organ ...

Q. What did Adam say to Eve ?
A. You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.



Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot ?
A. Because you couldn't get that much sh*t into a shoe.

Q. Why wasn't jesus born in the U.S.A ?
A. Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished a jigsaw puzzle
in only a couple of months?
A: Because on the box it said "from 2-4 years."

Q: Who makes more money, a whore or a drug pusher?
A: The whore because she can lick her crack and use it again.

Q: What do your wife and a condom have in common?
A: When there not on your cock there in your wallet.

Q: What is a blonde who died her hair brown?
A: Artificial Intelligence.

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Make a tire and call it a good year.

Q: What's the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.

Q: Why don't women fart?
A: They don't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up pressure!

Q: What two things in the air can get a woman pregnant?
A: Her legs!

Q: What kind of bees give milk?
A: Boob-ees.

Q: How do you get a Blonde to Marry you?
A: Tell her she's Pregnant.

Q: What similarities are there in a condom and a casket?
A: You come in one and leave in the other, and they both hold stiffs.

Q: What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

Q: What will it take to reunite Nirvana???
A: Two more bullets...

Q: What was the last thing to go through Cobain's mind?
A: The roof of his mouth.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: More to the point, what was she doing outside of the kitchen?

Q: Why do tampons have string?
A: So you can floss after eating.

Q: What's the worst part about eating vegetables?
A: The wheelchair.

Q: What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
A: Einstein's dick.

Q: What do you call a woman with no asshole?
A: Divorced.

Q: Why do women wake up with a brain the size of a pea?
A: It swells up over night.

Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: Daddy, daddy, what's a pervert?
A: Shut up, son, and keep sucking!

Q: What does a women do with her ass in the morning???
A: She makes him a sandwich and sends him to work....

Q: How many men does it take to mop the floor?
A: None, it's a women's job

Q: Why do women bleed and get cramps every month?
A: Because they deserve it.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything!

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
A: He's breathing.

Q: What do you call a black smurf?
A: A smigger.

Q: What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
A: Nigers.

Q: What do Kodak cameras have in common with condoms?
A: Both capture the moment.

Q: How do you get rid of a nun's hiccups?
A: Tell her she's pregnant!

Q: How do you make a cat bark?
A: Soak the cat in gasoline and through a lighted match at him.
WOOOFFFF

Q: What's 18 inches long, black, and hangs in front of an asshole?
A: A stethoscope.

Q: How do you give a woman an orgasm?
A: Who Cares!

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: More to the point, what was she doing outside of the kitchen?

Q: Mom! Can I lick the bowl? Please!
A: Shut up and flush!


Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny!!

Q: Why do women wear tampoons when they skydive?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q: Why do cavemen drag women by the hair instead of ankles?
A: So they don't fill up with rocks!!!

Q: Why are brides dressed in white?
A: So they match the rest of the appliances.

Q: What is hard, 6 inches long and fun to play with in bed?
A: A Gameboy!

Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Q: What can you assume when you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement
A: Someone ran out of cement.

Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his
students?
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.



Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
good-looking?
A: Because they already have boyfriends!

Q: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?
A: Not today, we already dug her three times this week.

Q: Mommy, Mommy! What's an orgasm?
A: I don't know dear, ask your father.

Q: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
A: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.


Q: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
A: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong?
(a) meat
(b) eggs
(c) wife
(d) blowjob.

A: (d) a blowjob because it's possible to beat your meat, your eggs, or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A: Megasorass.

Q:What's another term for lesbian?
A:Vagitarian.

[Sherri]

Honeymooners



man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel,
climbed up to the 10 meter board and d id a-two and a half tuck gainer,
entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more
demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel. She said, 'That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of
the pool. She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly! 0
After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"No", she said, "I was a hooker in New York and I worked both sides of the harbour."

[Sherri]

Here is a list of what you would find on the walls of the womans stalls!


Concordia University
Buetow Music Building
St. Paul, Minnesota USA 55104
Women's restroom, 1st floor

i love brian!
apparently not enough to keep from defacing a bathroom stall.
The second was written underneath the first, in different handwriting that looked like a professor's.

Writing 338, via Laura
Jackpot
Raleigh, North Carolina USA 27606
Women's restroom, 1st floor

A kiss is two questions answered at once.
Writing 336, via Joanna
University College Dublin
Library building
Dublin IRELAND 01
Women's restroom, 2nd floor

Written on the left wall:

*TOILET TENNIS*
look right
Written on the right wall:

look left
This could keep you going for awhile!

Writing 333, via Sarah
Humptys Resturant
Calgary, Alberta CANADA 102-920
Women's restroom, 1st floor

I was here but now i'm not I sat right here and smoked some pot, I'm writing this to make a point, Lifes a bi** so smoke a joint
I agree!

Writing 329, via Tammy
Shari's Restaurant
Shoreline, Washington USA 98133
Women's restroom, only floor

here I sit all broken hearted
tried to sh*t but only farted
then one day I took a chance
tried to fart and sh*t my pants
Saw the first half already posted on here... has been one of my favorite stall writings for a few years now.

Writing 328, via Natalie
Vines High School
Plano, Texas USA
Women's restroom, 1st floor

Here I sit
Broken-hearted
Came to sh*t
But only farted
I laughed so hard I almost fell in...

Writing 327, via Arokthis
University of New Hampshire
Whittimore Center Arena
Durham, New Hampshire USA 03824
Women's restroom, main floor

My copy of "How to serve man" is missing. Has anyone seen it? Jen
This was found just after a meeting of science fiction geeks had left. There is a story that boils down to this: Aliens show up, end all wars, make everyone healthy and strong. Someone notices a book all of the aliens carry and asks what it is, hears "How to serve man" and asks for translated copy. Turns out to be a cookbook.

Writing 324, via Roxanne
Reggies Sandwich Factory
Barrie, Ontario CANADA N6E 1R7
Women's restroom, 2nd floor

have you found that sex lately has been a pain in the ass?
well turn around! you're doing it the wrong way!!
Written below:

NO YOU'RE IN THE WRONG BATHROOM
The meaning is obvious, however these were stalls known for sexual conquests.

Writing 318, via Shoopie
Food 4 Less
Carson, California USA 90243
Women's restroom, 1st floor

On a sign that said "Please wash your hands completely clean" someone wrote:

how? there's no soap!
Damn cheap bathrooms.

Writing 311, via Lynn
Tandy's
Houston, Texas USA 77396
Women's restroom

As the story goes, Bush was in need of a lady of the evening. He instructed Dick to set him up with some to check out. Dick brought him a blonde who told him the price was $200. He decided this was too much, so he asked the redhead "how much?". She told him $500. WOW! He then asked the brunette "how much?" and she replied:

Lower my panties as low as the wages, raise my dress as high as the taxes, get that thing as hard as the times and screw me like you screwed the American people and you can have it for nothing!
I actually read this about Nixon, years ago, but really felt it needed some updating and was still very appropriate!

Writing 310, via Lynn
Tandy's
Houston, Texas USA 77396
Women's restroom

If you voted for Bush don't sh*t here - your asshole is in Washington.
TRUE, so sadly very true.

Writing 309, via Amanda
School
Racine, Wisconsin 53404
Women's restroom, 2nd floor

Please Donate to Charity
Arrow pointing to toilet next to writing.

I thought it was funny, so I tossed in a penny!

Writing 308, via Erin
Champs
St. Paul, Minnesota USA 55387
Women's restroom, floor: 1st

15 minutes of pleasure,
9 months of pain,
1 week in the hospital,
And a baby with no name.
My thoughts for this were that a young girl ruined her life by having a baby at such a young age. It's saying "Don't have sex too young!"

Writing 307, via Sarah
School
Washington DC USA 20579
Women's restroom, 1st floor

On a tampon dispenser the word 'tampon' was crossed out and reads:

gentle guide vibrator
Damn, it was empty.

Writing 291, via Brittney
High School
Waverly, Ohio USA 45690
Women's restroom, 1st floor

If you love your man have some class
Don't write it where you wipe your ass!
Self explanitory, quit fu***** up the stalls freshmen, it's annoying!

Writing 287, via Sarah
Denmark road High school for Girls
Gloucestershire, England UK Gl1 3JS
Women's restroom, ground floor of the main building

I LOVE SIMON RANDLES! SPANK ME ANY DAY!
Well - our school is a demented all girls school that is consumed by either dykes or boy mad rabie-ridden desperates. Simon Randles happens to be a particularly lush sixth former of whom everyone loves to death. And I mean EVERYONE. Think celebrity status, screaming, drooling etc. Fair enough.

Nirvana live on!
Err...sorry to break it to you mate but....
And the rest, about Nirvana? Some sad twats are still in denial as to the death of a rock star who probably died before they were born. How sad? Very sad.

Writing 272, via Natalie
School
Bradford, West Yorkshire UK BD13 5DE
Women's restroom, 1st floor

sex drugs rock & roll speed weed birth control fathers a bastard baby's a git all because the fu***** condom split
Meaning: Be careful.

Writing 264, via Brittany
McLaughlin Middle School
Vancouver, Washington USA 98662
Women's restroom, 1st floor

If you love him, show some class. Don't write his name where you wipe your ass.
This was a common one in all the bathrooms at MAC, but usually pointless as many things such as "I LOVE JOSH!" were writen in the same handwriting.

Writing 263, via Leah
Public bathroom
Melbourne, Florida USA 32907
Women's restroom, ground floor

its amazing how many people crap with pens!!
This was written after many people had written their numbers or their name and their lovers name in little hearts.

Writing 261, via Piper
Independence
USA 33458
Women's restroom, 2nd floor

mother father please don't cry as i bid you one last good bye. my eyes are closed my arm is red there's no light on inside my head. there is so much i didn't say things i should have said everyday. i love you too and thanks so much i should have given you hugs and such. but this rhyming game is over it's my turn to go i just wanted to say i love you so. so pack up get out get on with your life mom's got a new husband dad's got a new wife. but day in and day out i know you'll think of me things will change in good time you'll see. yet sometimes you think and wonder what it would be like if your only daughter were still alive.
Writing 260, via Piper
Independence
USA 33458
Women's restroom, 2nd floor

i'm ganna draw a picture, a picture with a twist. i'll draw it w/a razor blade, i'll draw it in my wrist. if i do it correctly a fountain will appear, drowning all my sorrow, drowning all my fear.
Writing 253, via Elizabeth
Hilltop High School
Chula Vista, California USA 91910
Women's restroom

As I sit in deady vapor,
I did my sit,
now where's the paper?
Writing 252, via Dez
Carlos's
Houston, Texas USA 77070
Women's restroom, 1st floor

Don't Drink and Drive
Get high and Fly
Writing 247, via Jessica
Some place by MSU
Lansing, Michigan USA 48809
Women's restroom, bottom floor

You are here! [With an arrow pointing down to the toilet]
Writing 241, via Bob
The Cherwell School
Oxford, England UK OX2CS
Women's restroom, ground floor

smoker loo SMOKERS LOO KEEP OUT
On the cubicle door in which people hide behind to smoke...

Writing 234, via Beagle
Train Station Public Loo
SOUTH AFRICA 3201
Women's restroom

In order to prevent wet feet, stand up upon the seat
To which was added:

Don't bother standing on the seat - the crabs in this loo jump 10 feet!
The loo was disgusting, urine on the floor and I doubt anyone would like to sit down on the filthy seat.

Writing 233, via Mariska
EsselenPark Highschool
Worcester SOUTH AFRICA 6850
Women's restroom, 1st floor

Save FUEL.
Get cremated with a friend!
Probably off now, as I left school 10 years ago!

Writing 232, via Zee
Taxila Secondary School
Pietersburg, Northern Province SOUTH AFRICA 0699
Women's restroom, 1st floor

Men are like toilets, either occupied or full of sh*t.
Writing 223, via Lynne
Richland High School
Freshman Hall
Richland, Washington USA 99352
Women's restroom

WASL and ITED, sitting in a tree
T-E-S-T-I-N-G
WASL and ITED are both tests that our school has coming up next week...to the tune of the stupid k-i-s-s-i-n-g, sitting in a tree song...

Writing 218, via Jenni
Cat's Cradle
Carrboro, North Carolina, USA 27510
Women's restroom

Cheese Fact #4: The best part about any food with cheese in it is the cheese.
Writing 192, via Martin
Apprentice training centre
Western Australia 6753
Women's restroom, 1st floor

Written real small on the front of the toilet bowl, between where your legs would be, right under the seat lip.

what the fu** are you looking here for
Writing 189, via Anonymous
Triple Rock Social Club
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Women's restroom

JESUS WAS HERE
Goddamn cross dresser!

[Sherri]

sexy dress up !!!


play at:


http://www.t45ol.com/play_flash.php?ID=836

[Sherri]

A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed.

Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."

Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the
nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the
blanket, and put it on her.

Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, " Father, I'm still very cold."
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and
got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."

This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out
here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's
pretend we're married." "The nun said, "That's fine by me."

To which the priest yelled out, "Get up and get your own fu***** blanket!"

[Sherri]

http://home.new.rr.com/sloop/showme/index.html

[Sherri]

Mother ask daughter " How was your honeymoon?"
Daughter: Like the BRITISH AIRWAYS!
Mother: British Airways?
Daughter: "Yes. 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, both ways."

[Sherri]

How to Lose Weight at Work Without Doing Much

Heres the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.

Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight). ..50-300
Dragging your heels. . . . . . . . . . 100
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Wading through paperwork . . . . . . . 300
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . 75
Jumping on the bandwagon . . . . . . . 200
Balancing the books. . . . . . . . . . .25
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Eating crow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225
Tooting your own horn. . . . . . . . . .25
Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 750
Pulling out the stops. . . . . . . . . .75
Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . . 160
Wrapping it up at the days end. . . . .12

To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:

Opening a can of worms . . . . . . . . .50
Putting your foot in your mouth. . . . 300
Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . . .90
Going over the edge. . . . . . . . . . .25
Picking up the pieces after. . . . . . 350
Counting eggs before they hatch. . . . . 6
Calling it quits . . . . . . . . . . . . 2