Secretary Jokes! :D

[AngelGirl]

1.A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.

"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."


2.
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'pe-n-is.'

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:

PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

[AngelGirl]

"I have to have a raise," the secretary said to her boss. "There are three other companies after me."

"Is that so?" asked the boss. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

[AngelGirl]

She has a hard time alphabetizing a bag of M&M's.

She doesn't get the hang of Post-it Notes.

You have to frequently scrape White-Out off her computer monitor.

At the board meeting for which she is recording the minutes, she stops the proceedings to ask, "What did fatso say?"

Your customers come around only during her lunch period; they peek around the door asking, "Is the coast clear?"

When she gets low on typing paper she asks you what to do; you tell her to use copy paper. She then takes a blank piece of typing paper and puts it into the copy machine and makes 10 copies.

She rolls her hosiery to just below the knee and keeps it there by tying it in a knot.

The Ringling Brothers Clown College announces that she has won a prize for her original make-up.

She tries to fax chocolate chip cookies to her daughter in college.

She staples her thumbs together more frequently than once a week.

Types 60 words per minute.......but not in English.

She wears White-Out for nail polish.

[AngelGirl]

Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barrick's door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary.

Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barrick's door was open this morning, did you notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no, sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two rumpled duffel bags

[AngelGirl]

One man was explaining to another why he fired his secretary. "Two weeks ago," he said, "was my forty fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "good morning" let along "Happy Birthday".

I said "well that's wives for you", the children will remember. The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, Janet said "Good morning boss - Happy Birthday". I felt a little better, someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. About noon she knocked on my door and said "You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and I." I said "by George that is the greatest thing I have heard all day, lets go".

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said "you know it's such a beautiful day, we don't have to go back to the office, do we?"

I said "no, I guess not."

She said "let's go to my apartment." We enjoyed another martini and smoked a cigarette, and she said "boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

I assured her I didn't mind at all.

She went into the bedroom and in about five minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake followed by my wife and children. All were singing "Happy Birthday" and there I sat with nothing on but my socks!

[*~Rexhina~*]

loooooooool secretary jokes my favorites

[AngelGirl]

Postuar më parë nga Ana18
loooooooool secretary jokes my favorites

Looool i know,love them