Joke of the Day .

[Blendi]

Joke Of The Day

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt. "Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..." The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

[glaukus 001]

Keto i gjeta duke germuar e-maile te vjetra
(pak dirty)


Written by an African Shakespeare:

Dear white fella,

Couple things you should know:
When I was born, I black
When I grow up, I black,
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black,
And when I die, I still black.

You, white fella,
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick,you green
And when you die, you grey.

And you have the f****** nerve to call me colored?





----------------------------------------------------





WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF Globalisation?


ANSWER: PRINCESS Diana


HOW??


ANSWER:
AN ENGLISH PRINCESS WITH AN EGYPTIAN BOYFRIEND
CRASHES IN
A FRENCH TUNNEL DRIVEN BY A BELGIAN DRIVER,IN A
GERMAN CAR WHO WAS
HIGH ON
SCOTTISH WHISKY,FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY AN ITALIAN
PAPARAZI,TREATED BY AN
AMERICAN DOCTOR,USING BRAZILIAN
MEDICINES,...............Dies !!!!!!!

[glaukus 001]

RECIPE FOR LOVE:

INGREDIENTS:
2 Laughing eyes
2 Well-shaped legs
2 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very
gently until fur-lined.
mixing bowl is well greased, check regularly with finger.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working
in and out until well creamed. (For best results, continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with
nuts,leave to soak (preferably not over night).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft.
If banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.


Notes:
1. If in unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils.
carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town !

[glaukus 001]

WHAT A DAY!

Dear God:
Yesterday was an awful day for me...
My husband ran off with his secretary,
My son pierced his eyebrow,
My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head,
My dog mated with the neighbors cat,
My neighbor sold her house to a mental institution,
My Mom told me I was adopted,
My Dad told me he's gay,
My boss told me I was laid off,
My sister was arrested for prostitution,
My house has termites,
My car was stolen,
All that came in the mail was bills,
A plane, crash landed on my garage,
OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner,
And my TV blew.
Lord, please be with me today.
I was able to live through all that misery yesterday.
And I will be able to make it through anything today! But please....
DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER!!!!! AMEN!!!

[glaukus 001]

DIRTY !!!

THE HEIGHT OF ALL EMOTIONS


Height of Patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.

Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.

Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.

Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.


Height of Technology: Condom with a zipper.

Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass itching.

[Blendi]

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded them carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Springbok." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right. They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion Shot with a .416 rifle. He was right again. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye? His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

[Blendi]

Joke Of The Day

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?". "Today and tomorrow." replied the blonde. He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff. The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case

[glaukus 001]

George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House
dinner. One of the guests walks over to them and asks
what they're discussing. "We are making up the plans for World War III", says Bush.
"Wow", says the guest.
"And what are the plans?"
"We're gonna kill 14 million Muslims and one dentist", answers Bush.
The guest looks to be a bit confused. "One...dentist?"
He says. "Why will you kill one dentist?"
Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, "What did I tell you?
Nobody is gonna ask about the Muslims !!!"

[Blendi]

This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shopkeeper. "And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires. "I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

[Blendi]

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"