Why Women Are Cranky

[Zanë Kosove]

Why Women Are Cranky


We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years
old only to find anything that comes in contact with
those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings
us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable
training bra contraption the boys in school will
snap until we have calluses on our backs

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens
(or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now
bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have
to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert
tubular, packed
cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not)
is having sex for the first time which is about as
much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through
your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up
with his little
cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what
all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live
on dry crackers and water for a few months so we
don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother
John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and
we are), we learn to live with the growing little
angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night
and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's
Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we
swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants
every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives,
the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will
invariably burst right in the middle of the
shopping, and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet
moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the
obstetrician says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs.
Hear-me-roar. Calm down and push. Just one more
or 10) good push," warranting a strong,
well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and
hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a
wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball
through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to
find that when all that cute" wears off, the
beautiful little darlings morph into walking,
jabbering wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking
little poop machines.

The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are
almost grown now and we women hit our voracious
sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while
hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday
(which just happens to be the reason all that early
hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place).

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the
grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the
HRT (hormones) and chance cancer in those now
seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether
Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your
sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off
anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than
men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on
life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without
soaking their socks.
Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make
the Great Gandhi a tad crabby.
Women are the "weaker sex?" Yeah right.

[Zanë Kosove]

Subject: Rules To Make Life Easier

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before
marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.

THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Monday, November 25, 2002

There is a world
+++++++++++++++++++

There is a world where every problem is an opportunity to grow
stronger. There is a world where the thoughts you think directly
affect the life you live.

There is a world where the value you give comes back to you many
times over. It is a world filled with an abundance of positive
possibilities and valuable opportunities.

There is a world where who you are and what you do really matters.
There is a world where you can learn and grow as the result of
each experience.

There is a world where even the disappointments and the setbacks
can help you to move ahead. There is a bright and shining world
where the living of life really matters.

[Karamel Eyez]

HAHAHA I CANT STOP LAUGHING THEY'RE REALLY COMICAL AND SOMEWHAT TRUE BUT NOT COMPLETELY LOL.. VERY NICE I LOVED BOTH PIECES ESPECIALLY THE ONE ABOUT THE MARRIAGE BUGGING THING, WHERE SHE REPLIES YOU'RE NEXT AT THE FUNERAL! LMAOOO
:o) CIAOOOOO BELLAA

[ben-shkodrani]

Zan Kosove he trimnesh po shkruj shqip se shkrimi shqip esht ma i miri i botes edhe gjuha shqipe

po gjithsesi te pershendes edhe ha madreq se jam ty kuptu gja
shqip si te ka fol baba gjyshi stergjyshi i jot te keqn beni ty

[Zanë Kosove]

Rules For Being Human

You will receive one body.
You may like it or hate it,
but it will be yours
for the entire time you're here.

You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time
informal school called life.
Each day in this school you will have the
opportunity to learn the lessons.
You may like the lessons or think them
irrelevant and stupid.

There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error,
and experimentation.

A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you
in various forms
until you have learned it.

When you have learned it,
you can then go on
to the next lesson.
Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life
that does not contain its lessons.
If you are alive,
there are lessons to be learned.

There is no better a place than here.
When your "there"
has become a "here",
you will simply obtain
another "there"
that will again look better than "here".

Others are merely mirrors of you.
You can not love or hate
something about another person
unless it reflects to you something
you love or hate about yourself.

What you make of
your life is up to you.
You have all the tools
and resources you need.
What you do with them
is up to you.
The choice is yours.

Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to life's questions
lie inside you.
All you need to do is look,
listen, and trust

[Zanë Kosove]

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must,
But don't quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man.

Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem the worst
That You Mustn't Quit.

~By Ben Lief~

[Zanë Kosove]

Strength and Courage


It takes strength to fit in.
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain.
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pains.
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse.
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone.
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love.
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive.
It takes courage to live.

[Zanë Kosove]

What Failure Really Is



Failure does not mean you are a failure;
It means you have not yet succeeded.

Failure does not mean you accomplished nothing,
It means you have learned something.

Failure does not mean you have been a fool.
It means you had a lot of faith.

Failure does not mean you have been disgraced.
It means you were willing to try.

Failure does not mean you don't have it.
It means you have to do something in a different way.

Failure does not mean you are inferior.
It means you are not perfect.

Failure does not mean you have wasted your time,
It means you have a reason to start afresh.

Failure does not mean you should give up.
It means you must try harder.

[Zanë Kosove]

JUST FOR TODAY...

.. smile at a stranger
.. listen to someone's heart
.. drop a coin where a child can find it
.. learn something new, then teach it to someone
.. tell someone you're thinking of them
.. hug a loved one
.. don't hold a grudge
.. don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry"
.. look a child in the eye and tell them how great they are
.. don't kill that spider in your house, he's just lost so show him the way
out
.. look beyond the face of a person into their heart
.. make a promise, and keep it
.. call someone, for no other reason than to just say "Hi"
.. show kindness to an animal
.. stand up for what you believe in
.. smell the rain, feel the breeze, listen to the wind
.. use all your senses to their fullest
.. cherish all your TODAYS

[Zanë Kosove]

Power of One, The

One song can spark a moment
One flower can wake the dream
One tree can start a forest
One bird can herald spring
One smile begins a friendship
One handclasp lifts a soul
One star can guide a ship at sea
One word can frame the goal
One vote can change a nation
One sunbeam lights a room
One candle wipes out darkness
One laugh will conquer gloom
One step must start each journey
One word must start a prayer
One hope will raise our spirits
One touch can show you care
One voice can speak with wisdom
One heart can know what is true
One Life can make a difference