Joke of the day

[thirsty]

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML


Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

Today, I sneezed so violently that my tampon came out. FML

[Blis]

Little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

[Enii]

A lion was walking through the forest taking a poll to determine who was the greatest among all the wildlife animals. When he saw the hippopotamus, he inquired, "Who is king of the forest?" "You are," said the hippopotamus. Next he met a giraffe. "Who is king of the forest?" he inquired. "You are," said the giraffe. Next he met the elephant. He gave him a good rap on the knee and said, "And who is the king of the forest?" The elephant picked him up in his trunk and swung him against the tree. As the lion slid down, brushing himself off, he said, "You don't have to get so mad just because you don't know the right answer."

[Enii]

birdy birdy in the sky , why u did that to my eye , boy i wish cows cant fly

[elidonuk]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while
her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
...The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing

that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice"
Boy : "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the
boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab
your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"

The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your
friends like that...that is way more than those two
things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little
boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again;
you're in my closet now."

hahahahahaha

[BOKE]

A LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

An atheist, seated next to a little girl, turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, having just begun reading a book, replied, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" smiling smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, reflects on the question and replies "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

[landi45]

Sa menyra ekzistojne per njohjen e nje shteti dhe cilat jane to?

teme e re ne forum,,,me qesharake ska

[Vidasusi]

An arab at airport:

- Name?
- Abdul Al Razhib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no, I mean: male or female?
- Yes... male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holly cow!
- Yes... cow, dog, even sheep.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh, dear!
- No, no... deer run to fast!

[MI CORAZON]

A LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

An atheist, seated next to a little girl, turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, having just begun reading a book, replied, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" smiling smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, reflects on the question and replies "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

Nice one!

An arab at airport:

- Name?
- Abdul Al Razhib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no, I mean: male or female?
- Yes... male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holly cow!
- Yes... cow, dog, even sheep.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh, dear!
- No, no... deer run to fast!

....

[simply me]

Kerkese per ngritje rroge

Dear Bo$$,

A$ all of u$ have read from the new$ paper$, our country'$ economy ha$ recovered from rece$$ion. In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t desperately. I am $ure, you $hould have under$tood the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your e$tablishment.

I $uppo$e, you have $ensed what I mean and I hope your goodselve$ would re$pond $oon.


Your'$ $incerely,

$amuel Norman

() = () = () = () = ()= () = () = () = () = () = () = () = () = () = () = () = ()


THE NEXT DAY, HE RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING REPLY FROM THE BOSS


Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you are working hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. What you read in the news is NOthing but a NOtion. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt in a position to anNOunce any profits. NOw the news papers are say that the leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure about aNOther recession. After NOvember, ecoNOmoy is expected to NOse dive some more.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours Truly,

ArNOld Smith