Fjalor per takime dashurie

[glaukus 001]

The Dating Dictionary

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

[glaukus 001]

Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss

1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else ... lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes ... kiss me
8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist...I love you to much to let you go


Article 2: The Three Steps

1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good
3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to
stare


Article 3: The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.


*Remember*

A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss
without some tongue
so open up your mouth,
close your eyes,
and give your tongue
some exercise!!!



@@@@@@@@@@@@@

from a chain letter ...

[glaukus 001]

PROFESSOR'S DEFINITIONS OF A KISS
Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:



Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.


Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.



&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

[elbasan]

Të lezetshme glaukus 001.

[glaukus 001]

Thanx elbasan,
Ja dhe 1 tjeter , sjelle nga anetari DarienSar

The Secret Language of Women

(Men should probably commit this to memory...)


Fine:
This is the word women use at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.

Five minutes:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before we take out the trash, so they feel that it's an even trade.

Nothing:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh:
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

Soft Sigh:
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh:
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do:
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

Thanks:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

Thanks A Lot:
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

[glaukus 001]

material i sjelle per forumin nga anetari argenti01


WAYS TO TURN MEN DOWN

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.


HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?


HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life in your wildest dreams.

[Blendi]

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. "Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. "Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word?" Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!" Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is your word." Saturday says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!" Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful." "No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables .

[glaukus 001]

Why guys like girls



1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both
know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID
after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you
know that an hour later....
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way apologize when it does hurt.
(even though we don't admit it)!
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so
that it doesn't hurt her anymore... .

-------
kjo ishte ... pak serioze por me vone do lexoni dicka pak me provokuese

[Enkela B.]

pershendetje dhe nga mu

Girls' English
Yes = No

No = Yes

May-b = No

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now!

" Do what u want" = You'll pay 4 this later!

We need to talk" = I need to bitch.

"Sure......Go ahead" = I don't want you too.

" I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron!

" How much do u love me?" = I did something today your not goin' like me 4.

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me i'm beautiful.

" You have to learn to communicate!" = Just agree with me.

" Are you listening to me?" = Too late, you're dead!



Guy's English

" I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

" I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

" I'm tired " - I'm tired

" Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.

" Can I take you to dinner?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.

" Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.

" May I have this dance?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress" = Nice cleavage.

" You look tensed, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you.

" What's wrong? " = What meaningless self inflicted pshychological trauma are you going through now?

" What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

" I love you" = Let's have sex right now.

" I love you too" = Okay i said it we'd better have sex now!

" Let's talk" = I am tryin' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!

" Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegel 4 you to have sex with other guys.

[glaukus 001]

Per keshtu gjerash e kisha fjalen edhe une ,

U go girl !!!



Ja dhe disa te tjera per Girls' English :

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.

I want new curtains... = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

I need wedding shoes. = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Was that the baby ? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.



An answer to question: "What's wrong?"

The same old thing. = Nothing.
Nothing. = Everything.
Everything. = My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. = You're such an asshole!
I don't want to talk about it. = I'm not ready to yell at you yet.

[Ryder]

Hey i just broke up with my gf!!!
Ja thashe ata gjerat qe tha kjo Enkela po kam frike se ja thashe mbrapsht nga e djathta ne te majte.Ajo e shkreta u tremb kur e pa se doja sex 24/7 dhe iku...
Tough luck!!

oh well,its hunting season again now

[Blendi]

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" asked Joanne. "Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

[glaukus 001]

Ja se cfare kerkojne disa prinder nga djemte qe duan te dalin me vajzat e tyre :



APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and
current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______
G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE
parent?___________________________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _

7. Number of years your parents have been married
____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A
waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly
button ring? A tattoo_________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to
you?____________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to
you?

__________________________________________________ _______________________

__________________________________________________ _____________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ___________________
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend
__________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and
priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is
________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
________________
c) A woman's place is in the
________________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
_____________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
__________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________
Signature( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause
you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by
two gentlemen weaning white ties and carrying violin cases (You might
want to watch your back)

[glaukus 001]

Professor Of Mathematics

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"


When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:


"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

[glaukus 001]

Ndeshkimi

A married man left from work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"

"That would suit me just fine!!" the man said.

Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.

Tuesday went by with the same result.

Wednesday went by with the same result.

Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye.

[glaukus 001]

WOMEN SEEKING MEN

I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway. I make them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane. Way too much time on your hands too? Call me. SWF, 42, 5'10", brown/blue.

SWF, 27, obnoxious, silly, pierced, tattooed, insane, hormonally unbalanced, Rollerblading, sushi-eating, cartoon-watching redhead from Hell, seeks Vlad. My neck is all yours. BITE ME.

Don't call me if you are uneducated; unemployed; unhealthy smoker; felon; under 30 years old, 5'10"; over 40 years old, 6'8", 230 pounds; like cats, channel surfing; make less than $30,000 annually; or have body parts pierced. Others feel free.


MEN SEEKING WOMEN

Fat, flatulent, over-40, cigar-smoking redneck seeks sexy woman with big hair to cook, clean and pick up unemployment checks.

Desperate lonely loser, SWM, 32, miserable, apathetic, tired of watching TV and my roommate's hair fall out. Seeks depressed, unattractive SWF, 25-32, no sense of humor, for long talks about the macabre.

Handsome DWM, 40, seeks loving, romantic S/DWF with round, bulging bubble butt and pretty face with monogamous intentions, 28-40.

Thick glasses, HP calculator, SAT 99th percentile, knows pi to 16 digits. Great job, big house, pool. SWM, 33, 6'0", 144 lbs. Better looking than Bill Gates.



And then there were these from the PERVCONNECTION:

I need to be punished! Well-off older WM needs expert discipline from young, under 30 men or women. Enjoy leg worship and harness-training.

Married WF seeks bald Asian dwarves for sex experiments. I love it when you little bastards are naked.

If interested in first-time group sex experience. Safe sex only with sensitive, attractive couples or groups, no animals. Age unimportant. Will travel. Let's be buddies!

[glaukus 001]

Pick-up Lines


Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: May I see you pretty soon?
Woman: Don't you think I'm pretty now?

Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. or Stop.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Let's start with your bank account.

Man: May I have the last dance?
Woman: You've just had it.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing

[glaukus 001]

The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:


FIRST THE WOMEN

40-ish.......................... 48

Adventurer...... Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic....................... Flat-chested

Average looking............Ugly

Beautiful..................... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile.........Bring your penicillin

Educated................... College dropout

Emotionally Secure......Medicated

Feminist..................... Fat; ball buster

Free spirit................... Substance user

Friendship first..... Trying to live down reputation as slut

Fun............................ Annoying

Gentle........................ Comatose

Good Listener............. Borderline Autistic

New-Age.................... All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned........Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded............. Desperate

Outgoing................... Loud

Passionate................ Loud

Poet......................... Depressive financially insecure

Professional.............. Real Witch

Redhead................... Shops the Clairol section

Reubenesque............ Grossly Fat

Romantic.................. Looks better by candle light

Voluptuous............... Very Fat

Weight proportional to height....Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate........One step away from stalking

Widow...................... Nagged first husband to death

Young at heart.......... Toothless crone



THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST

40-ish....................... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic.................... Sits on the couch and watches ESPN

Average looking.........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated................. Will always treat you like an idiot

Free Spirit................ Sleeps with your sister

Friendship first.....As long as friendship involves nudity

Fun......................... Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking............ Arrogant

Honest..................... Pathological Liar

Huggable..........Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Like to cuddle........... Insecure, overly dependent

[AlbanianQT]

ahahahah, ajo AP to date my daughter ishte e nolt fare...cjam shkri.

[glaukus 001]

Kane ardhur kohe te keqia moj Albanian cutie :)
Ja dhe 1 tjeter qe besoj se do ju beje te buzeqeshni ...



Math Exercises


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.