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  1. #1
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    Ditari i ndjenjave (gjuhė e huaj)

    10.03.2005

    I've been told that many today believe sincerity is a characteristic of the weak, the small. Of course, I disagree. Never should the power of one who is sincere be underestimated. For even a "clear, true" diamond has the power to cut. And even a small bullet, if aimed in the "right" direction, becomes a very powerful mechanism. Never should the power of one who is right, sincere, and small be underestimated...

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    peaceful ..... 13.3.2005

    I find myself strangely peaceful . . . and boringly content. But if that is the word of the day, so be it. I think I can deal with it, living for a while with the predictable, while cruelly avoiding any emotional struggle, and taking pleasure in doing that. Some part of me, somewhere (don't know where, forgot where) is probably hating this sadistic detachment, but most of me is delighted (ecstatic would be a highly charged word) to have thrown away, torn appart any remainders of emotional appeal. To that anonymous, nameless, shadowy part of me, I only have one word to say, not that I need to justify myself (or most of myself):
    "Surviving......"

    I'd like to think that, ..... that part of me will hear the echo of that word, while running away, for the sake of its own survival, but for the sake of mine, I will whisper .... please come back when you become stronger than me! But not just yet, not just yet.

  3. #3
    !Welcome! Maska e StormAngel
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    13-03-2005

    I am writing a long essay on Socrat and his theories, but my mind is set on other things. Out there, people are screaming and shouting cause they favourite party won the local elections, but that is too distant for me too.
    While the clock is ticking and everybody is doing what they have and need to do, I can`t stop thinking about you and what are you doing at the moment...are you brushing your long curly hair? Are you talking to your parents? Are you out...or are you...are you thinking about me as well. Whatever you do...I hope you are happy. That`s my only wish...
    Well, I should get back to writing if I want to finish this essay.
    For gods sake, who is the moron that invented philosophy?? And why??
    Or am I the moron in this case...huh!?
    It doesn`t even matter, time is ticking away.
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us.

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    14.3.2005

    While I have almost mastered my peaceful existence..... there are obviously a few things that can make me shed a tear.....

    Someone mentioned my home town today ..... I tried unhumanly not to let it get to me, but the memories were divinely stronger. Hunted, by images of the sea, of its waves gently caressing my soul even when a storm was brewing inside of it.... the image of the most dazzling sunset, stunning away the deepest sorrows.....
    The beach, somewhere tender, and elsewhere tense, on edge .... somewhere gracefully taking over the sea, elsewhere struggling as it is being taken over by the infinite blue.... I remember ....... remembering being shaped by this nature's ritual. I was the sand at times, and other times the rock, I lived and breathed in the intensity of it, untill I would get lost in its immensity and find myself all over again.... And I would always find myself, the waves of the blue sea had somehow, never failed to show me the way.....

    Untill now, but ...... but that's because I failed them......

    While I have almost mastered my peaceful existence ..... there are obviously a few things that can made me shed a tear ....... or a sea of them ....
    Ndryshuar pėr herė tė fundit nga Lioness : 14-03-2005 mė 18:14

  5. #5
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    Beautifully written Patriote :)

    Eight minutes...and i am gone...walking through the pathway that leads to my dorm. The sun shines but i can barely enjoy... this stress i cannot cope. The wormth that i feel, the peacefulness that i hear, fills my heart with bliss whenever i look at the trees, the sky, birds and small squarrels that seem prevalent wherever i walk.

    But i do not have time to enjoy it as much as i want...this class i dread,...which it lasts till 10 o'clock...i have to present in front of the class...funny i am stressed for a class which teaches "stress management"
    Ndryshuar pėr herė tė fundit nga *~Rexhina~* : 14-03-2005 mė 18:04
    I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.

  6. #6
    !Welcome! Maska e StormAngel
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    Sometimes it seems to me that I have the whole world in my palms, and nevertheless I still feel lonely. I am still wondering why that happens? Why is it that the tiny little meaningless things matter so much?? So much that even a whole world could not replace those tiny little things...(lol tiny little tinies)
    I am exhausted these days, I have finished a 30 page long paperwork, and all I want is a loooong rest. But...the dynamic world and the life I live won`t let me have that luxury, so I guess I will either loose my head or get that freaking rest.
    Anyways, for this post not to sound all that pathetic, to all of you wherever you are and whatever you do I wish you a very quiet evening or a very peaceful day and let the force be with you :)

    Cheers!
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  7. #7
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    14-03-2005

    I'm convinced that a lie is the worst thing that could exist in life. It's the spark that egnites all that is bad. Even though I am conscious of the fact that people are not perfect, even though I know I am not perfect (in fact, far from it), it is still hard for me to grasp why someone would consciously lie to another, or even to his or her self for that matter. I think that even what we call "white" lies are harmful, in fact. We try to justify them, but in the end, I don't think they bring about any good.

    If you cannot tell the truth, then do not bother saying anything at all. This is what I believe. This is what I expect from others. Is this too much to expect? I honestly hope not.

  8. #8
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    15.03.2005

    I'm cold, but the sun's rays gliding through the window's curtain seem to slowly warm me. I close my eyes for a few minutes and forget that anything exists. There is only me. Where? It doesn't matter. Just me. And then, I hear a bird singing outside. It sounds really nice. Now it isn't just me. Now it is me and a bird. mmmmmmmm it feels good to listen to the bird. I open my eyes and the rays hit the side of my right eye, when i close them again, I still see the ray, when I open them, the ray is brighter, and then gets brighter, and even more brighter..... I take a deep breath...

  9. #9
    !Welcome! Maska e StormAngel
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    Life is too short, too short to live in anger.
    We all got to survive in this world, making our dreams come true, day by day, second after second.
    Dreams, something unexplainable and yet a persons highest ideal and emotion. Dreaming for a better life, everyday.
    Do you dream?
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  10. #10
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    Citim Postuar mė parė nga StormAngel
    ...Do you dream?
    16.03.2005

    What a good question. Do I dream? I do. Sometimes more than I used to. Other times, less. But despite all the harsh, blinding-bright lights that abruptedly go on, I still dream...

    All of a sudden the lyrics of Roy Orbison just came to me:

    all
    I have to do is drea-ea-ea-m,dream,dream,dream,drea-ea-ea-m
    Dream,dream..


    It's nice, but somehow I don't agree that that is all that I have to do. There's more....
    Ndryshuar pėr herė tė fundit nga Veshtrusja : 16-03-2005 mė 16:51

  11. #11
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    everyone is drunk in here..and I wonder how since I finish all the alchool already..not the one that goes through your stomach..the brain one.. and I thought I had seen it all..not a chance!!!!

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    17.3.2005

    Oh, let me be vain for a moment, I think I have earned that right, to be vain, that is, once in a while....
    Spring, after long months of winter that almost never ended, I wore my favorite silk shirt ...... Silk, silk ought to be woman's second best friend (cause the cliche sais diamonds are the first, not that I agree.)
    But silk has to be, it does something to a woman. Its weightless presence, is priceless, it's like walking around in a beautiful nakedness that only you can see, can feel. Did the ancient godesses wear silk? They probably did. How else did they tempt the gods, how else did they feel divine?
    Ah, silk ... can make vanity an appealing virtue......

    On a more serious note, today was my father's day. Called him this morning (one of my favorite rituals) and while I joked about how he is getting a year younger, I thought about how much older I have grown this eighth birthday away from him. Still his baby, though, still.... God, how I miss him!

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    21.03.2005

    I'm listening to Norah Jones: Come Away With Me. This song relaxes me. All I see are stars sparkling during a cool summer night, me on a terrace .... the slight breeze flowing past my face... and the moon smiling down at me........... mmmmmmm............... nice......

    good night

  14. #14
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    21.3.2005

    I am in the computer lab right now...taking my 5 minutes break from my 4 hour class...we were discussing about divorce...and this guy next to me said "you got to test the car first" and he literally meant the car but the class took it the other way...so then the whole class started debating, and talking simultaneously...and what did i do...i stayed quiet while rubbing my eyes...and at the moment i thought to put my head on the desk to relax...the bad thing is that i sit at the front :(

    today i got a bad news...i am not going to albania :(...tears were poring down my face...i hate when people let me down...oh well next year...at least i will have plenty of money saved.
    Ndryshuar pėr herė tė fundit nga *~Rexhina~* : 21-03-2005 mė 22:58
    I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.

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    22.3.2005

    Today is a beautiful day outside.....
    Inside, it is still winter, it would take a much stronger sun to melt down the ice... well ....... don't want it to melt yet. In some strange way, it keeps me worm, and safe.
    Have a hangover....... Ah, vodka can be painfully good...

    I made somebody smile yesterday, while inside I was tearlessly crying, raging, screaming. Why can't people see beyond the facade? For that matter, why can't I? Don't want to see it, just want to sleep a little longer....... My tearless rages, please be silent, let my soul sleep!

  16. #16
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    24.3.2005

    Seasons are changing, winter is pushing its limits, spring fighting back, weak at first, but it's only the beginning.....

    I find myself in the crossroad of seasons, thoughts, limits, moments, yet again. While all along, all I ever asked for is constancy, endurance. Or did I?
    Once upon a time, there was a little girl, who wanted to live all seasons...... now there is me, who just wants to live.
    Where did I loose her? I hope I lost her in some past spring, if only for my sake, so that I don't feel guilty about living the winter a while longer....

  17. #17
    !Welcome! Maska e StormAngel
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    25.03.2005

    I`ll be the cloud up in the sky
    I`ll be your shoulder when you cry

    It makes no difference who you are, I am your angel!

    Great lyrics...who made a whole day complete. Strange how people can enjoy maximum sattisfaction in even so small things like lyrics to a song. Small things make the big and great ones.

    Cheers
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  18. #18
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    26.03.2005

    There are so many things to say..... But I don't feel like saying anything. I like keeping my thoughts to myself and I like going over them. Reorganizing them. Reanalizing them. At least this way I know I will reach some sort of conclusion, or if not a conclusion, at least some sort of hypothesis. If i don't like what I conclude, then I will just re-think it again and observe it from a different angle, perhaps... maybe even the same angle again, only under a different light...I know that this way I won't act until I am sure my thoughts are in tact...

  19. #19
    .......TART.......
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    some sad ppl live in this world
    "Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female."

  20. #20
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    Citim Postuar mė parė nga Ermondo
    some sad ppl live in this world
    Happiness and Saddness, Tears and Laughter are normal feelings. It's easier to write sad emotions to blow off some steam, while in the other hand there is no use in writting happy emotions because you just live them in the moment. Saddness follows you around like a bad mosquito and it hurts everytime it bites. So, Ermondo leave people at peace because nobody wants your thoughts on how sad or happy you may think someone is.

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