Ditari i ndjenjave (gjuhë e huaj)

[Lioness]

Can’t remember the last time I came around this corner (the diary.)
Mainly for two reasons:
Afraid of what the insanity of the moment might spill out on a piece of paper.
Most importantly, beyond my fears, there is always the proud fact of mastering the art of procrastination. Never imagined it would come to the point that I would even rejoice at the idea of delaying my own thoughts.
Never imagined I would revel in the nudity of my soul, naked from layers of sentimentalism.
But from time to time I wonder about the price one pays to cover the soul in blankets of sensations. Or my yet unpaid prize for the lack of them.

[ELDORADO]

....quando pensi che tutto e finito ti sembra strano poi che semra che li ricomincia un altra cosa un altra vita ,e cosi che e anche la mia vita degli sentimenti sono molto sensibile anche tenero, diventare agressivo per me e una cosa assai molto poco piacevole pero quando caita capita,comunque non voglio stare qui scrivere intere file che poi voi non li leggette neache
quindi vi salutto a presto

[IsiNYC]

I'm often afraid of going through life aimlessly, without recognition of the present only to wake up one day at 40-something overcome with nostalgia of a blurry past embellished with that glow that only time can add to ordinary moments. Yet, I've clicked on this thread often and was unable to produce any comprehensive group of sentences that complete a thought which ironically seems to coincide with Lioness' admittion of delaying your own thoughts.

Considering that we all think during every action of the day, whether its sitting without purpose or laboring during a task shouldn't we be exploding with things to say, write or even simply revisit. What makes us overlook our thoughts? Could it be abandonment instead of delay and if so does it imply an inability or unwillingness to truly face yourself? Why do we treat that entity with negligence? We give strong efforts at being a good friend or sibling and other identities that are created for us due to social interactions, yet we lack the vision af an identity which is inate - that which has evolved with you since the begining of your memory. What a tragedy!

[EXODUS]

Ironically so, my very true self just won't stop tearing me apart. Yet, horribly so, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I now realize I can finally break free of my never self.

[Nebelstern]

This is a story about a man named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun.

The primroses were over.

Where is she, somebody needs to answer this question to me.

[Alienated]

Oh hi guys. I'm here for the first time. I hope you don't mind! I'll get the time to read some of your diaries and perhaps I might say few words about my day some other day.

Today was a shitty day! Nothing much happened. It was so damn hot and very boring. I couldn't wait to come back home.

Cheers all!

[Nebelstern]

Ich muss euch leider enttäuschen, es gibt im Moment nichts Neues von mir und wird es die nächste Zeit auch nur selten geben. Das liegt nicht an euch, oder daran, dass mir das hier keinen Spass machen würde, aber es gibt gerade ein anderes Projekt in meinem Leben, das meine Zeit und meine Muse auffrisst und es ist gierig wie das Krümelmonster.

Es heisst Traurigkeit!!

[ShadowOftheBest]

I don't want to talk about it

I can tell by your eyes that you've prob'bly been cryin' forever,
and the stars in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.

I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?

If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the color of my heart;
blue for the tears, black for the night's fears.
The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.

I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
My heart, whoa, heart.

[ShadowOftheBest]

Su confessa amore mio
Io non sono più il solo, l'unico
Hai nascosto nel cuore tuo
Una storia irrinunciabile

Io non sono più il tuo pensiero
Non sono più il tuo amore vero
Sono il dolce con fondo amaro
Che non mangi più

Ma perchè tu sei un'altra donna
Ma perchè tu non sei più tu
Ma perchè non l'hai detto prima
Chi non ama non sarà amato mai

Che ne hai fatto del nostro bene?
E' diventato un freddo brivido
Le risate, le nostre cene
Scene ormai irrecuperabili


Quando viene la sera
E il ricordo pian piano scompare
La tristezza nel cuore
Apre un vuoto più grande del mare
Più grande del mare

Ma perchè non l'hai detto prima
Chi non ama non sarà amato mai

Io non sono più il tuo pensiero
Non sono più il tuo amore vero
Sono il dolce con fondo amaro
Che non mangi più

[IsiNYC]

Gripped by the fortitude of change, once again I meet an end. How bitter it is.

[INFINITY©]

It's late and the light is off. It's just me, the computer and the dark room. I know I have a lot to do, a lot to write, a lot to think about and I just can't. I feel like I have a brain freeze and I can't even think straight. I read the many lines in this diary and I get lost in them. I close my eyes for a moment and I go into a darker world that I can't stand. It's really late and I gotta sleep because tomorrow it will be a long day at work. It's a new day, new cases to solve, new people to help, more goals to exceed...just another day like all of them...same sh.., another day...
These next two weeks are going to be crazy, I know it and I still am procrastinating everything to the last minute, like I always do...Why in the world do I do that? :( I know i have projects to finish, but I haven't even started them. I am almost done and I can actually smell it, but I just feel so unmotivated lately...Why??????? Everybody tells me that when I smile, I can brighten a whole room and that I look horrible when I don't, but I just can't find enough strength to smile. Am I lazy, or just exhausted from everything?! I know I should just go away for a few days...alone...just me, the waves of the ocean, the breeze by the seaside early morning, and my thoughts...I need to clear my mind and press the refresh button, because I feel like I am stuck...
I miss him, the one who motivates me to reach the sky, the one whom I can open up to, the one who I fight with for the stupidiest things and I don't know why, the one who tells me his day hasn't really started till he sees me smiling, but yet he is ready to kill me if he even thinks that I am crying...I looked at the sky this morning and I saw the sun and I smiled with the hope that you can see it...There was a full moon tonight, so I didn't come straight home but I drove around for a while. I have no idea what music was on because I was just too busy thinking about nothing, but I know that I was driving fast and then I slowed down...I know you would scream at me if you even had an idea about how fast I was going, so I just took my foot away from the gas and I just continued to drive nowhere...

[EXODUS]

We're well into Autumn. Can't remember the last time it was this much noticeable of a transition to my senses! ...reunited with myself; the greatest feeling in the world!

[IsiNYC]

Autumn, my most dreaded season, reminds me time after time that pain induces truth. What you see is what you had and what will if you continue on the same path, with the same habits, with the same people. I no longer have illusions that she is now, somehow different then she was a year ago. The only difference is that she no longer conceals it. We romanticize the past with the help of memory's haze and in turn make our future seem grim. In this instance though, pain somehow distorts truth. How ironic. Is truth then independent of feeling? Hardly. Although truth is absolute in theory, my truth can be quite different from yours and no less real that the absolute truth that only lives in theory.

[_Elena_]

...As I sit here gazing out the window.Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...and wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.
I reminisce about the day we met and how you made me feel,
looking at the glowing smile on your face,staring into your dreamy blue eyes.
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace.
And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.
What lies ahead, down the road to love?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.
No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life!

[land]

Si alza e come un automa si dirige all’ hotel. Alla reception sembra che siano stati avvertiti e l’ unica cosa che le viene detto è che la camera è al terzo piano.
Greta sale con l’ascensore in preda ad un totale nervosismo, le tremano le mani, sa che per ora non può accampare pretese ed è quindi alla mercè dello sconosciuto. Non ha idea di quello che succederà in quella camera o meglio tenta di lasciare fuori dalla mente pensieri pericolosi.
Arriva davanti all ingresso e bussa, nessuna risposta. Decide allora di aprire la porta che difatti accompagna il suo movimento. Dopo averla richiusa alle spalle, si trova in una sorta di salottino composto da un divano con poltrone, un mobile bar e la televisione. In fondo una porta, Greta conosce bene questo genere di disposizioni tipiche degli hotel a 4 stelle. Appoggia l impermeabile e la borsetta sul divano ed entra nella seconda stanza.
Lui è sdraiato sul letto, completamente .......................

ma perche proprio oggi mi passa per la mente!!!!!!

[land]

morte di una lacrima


Ho visto
oggi,
un fragile filo d'argento
reciso da un ragno
che andava a morire

c
a
d
e
n
d
o

come una lacrima,
in fondo al mio cuore triste.

[land]

Sono qui
Perso nel vuoto.

insultami
picchiami
umiliami.

Oppure

lodami
baciami
amami.

Per me
Nulla cambia...

[maryp]

l'altro giorno camminando lungo la strada per tornare a casa, la mia attenzione venne catturata da un cane che girava lungo la strada... vecchio, solo e abbandonato, nessuno si avvicinava a lui, niente carezze, niente parole dolci, solo sguardi pieno di sdegno...
uno strano sentimento si creò dentro di me, forse era pietà per un essere cosi malconcio..
mi sono avvicinata propensa a farli una carezza , offrirli ,se non altro un pò di calore che forse da tanto tanto tempo non sentiva più.. all'inizio sembrava che la cosa li desse un' immenso piacere ma poi all'improvviso in un' attimo di disattenzione, di abbassamento di guardia da parte mia, ed i denti affilati del cane erano intorno alla mia mano..
rimasi sconcertata, ma non provai ne paura ne rabbia , soltanto dispiacere e pietà per un essere cosi mal ridotto che la vita di strada aveva reso feroce verso tutti, tanto che non capiva più la differenza tra il buono e cattivo...
peccato- pensai- li avrei dato l'opportunità di diventare ciò che tanto tanto tempo fà era, di tornare ad avere la sua dignità, ma con lui ogni tentativo è innutile... non si può far vivere chi è già morto dentro...

con dolore e dispiacere lasciai il cane al suo destino macabro ed io continuai per la mia strada..
chissà forse capiterà di nuovo lungo la mia strada, ma non si può recuperare ciò che si e perso.. le opportunità nella vita ci vengono date una volta soltanto, se capita una seconda allora è veramente un miracolo............MA IO NON CREDO PIU' NEI MIRACOLI...

[land]

Sono qui
Perso nel vuoto.

insultami
picchiami
umiliami.

Oppure

lodami
baciami
amami.

Per me
Nulla cambia...

nulla cambiera,
sempre
sono
tuo
augusta

[_Elena_]

Stuck inside this place,under desolate skies.
Looking for my home,drift into the unknown.
Losing myself,wish i wasn't here...
Searching for an answer,but no1 replies.
Beginning to hide inside myself,locking away my soul,
damaging my mind....lost in the perilous way...