The Male Brain

[Sherri]

http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/malebrain.gif

[Sherri]

Only.... 3 Inches!!!


An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table , he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby.... all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.

The man, after reading the note, sends one of his own back to her and it read:

"Just so you know - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank."

"But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back!!!

i

[Sherri]

80 Years Old


An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are you telling me?" "Because I'm telling everybody!"

[Sherri]

Geography of a Woman

old one but......nice !


Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half
discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with
fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well
developed and open to trade especially for someone
with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot,
relaxed
and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently
aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the
war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive
reconstruction
is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide
and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps
people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with
a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no
future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone
knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

[Sherri]

What a Difference 30 Years Make


1970: Long hair
2000: Longing for hair

1970: The perfect high
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1970: KEG
2000: EKG

1970: Acid rock
2000: Acid reflux

1970: Moving to California because it's cool
2000: Moving to California because it's warm

1970: Growing pot
2000: Growing pot belly

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1970: Seeds and stems
2000: Roughage

1970: Popping pills, smoking joints
2000: Popping joints

1970: Killer weed
2000: Weed killer

1970: Hoping for a BMW
2000: Hoping for a BM

1970: The Grateful Dead
2000: Dr. Kevorkian

1970: Going to a new, hip joint
2000: Receiving a new hip joint

1970: Rolling Stones
2000: Kidney stones

1970: Being called into the principal's office
2000: Calling the principal's office

1970: Screw the system
2000: Upgrade the system

1970: Disco
2000: Costco

1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1970: Taking acid
2000: Taking antacid

1970: Passing the drivers test
2000: Passing the vision test

1970: Whatever
2000: Depends

[Sherri]

The Englishman!!



The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o
Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."

[Sherri]

Computer Viruses....!


Types of computer viruses:

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.


Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.


Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

[Sherri]

copy and paste the link into your browser !

turn your speaker volume up full to hear what's said....

http://www.richstevens.com/NAKED.swf

[Sherri]

Check out if UR a color blind

http://i.madblast.com/funflash/swf/ColorBlind2.swf


ps:

un i gjeta te gjithe nr

[Sherri]

Need Sex therapy???


A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself. "That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol.

All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well ... when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"