Adult Limericks

[Leila]

Amaro, I think you're stalking me. Do you have something to tell me?

[amaro]

sorry but im just a man.

[Rebele]

There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save".

~~~

here was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat.


taken from Int.

[Leila]

There was a young lady from Putney
Who was given to sexual gluttony;
Warned a pious old duffer,
"Your morals will suffer."
"That's what you think," she said. "I ain't got any."

* * *

Up the street sex is sold by the piece,
And I wish that foul raffic would cease;
It's a shame and improper,
And I'd phone for a copper
But that's where you'll find the police.

* * *

There was a young woman named Sally
Who loved an occasional dally --
She sat on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap
And said, "Oo, you're right up my alley."

* * *

What's reddish and roundish and hairy,
And hangs from a bush light and airy;
Much hidden away
From the broad light of day
Beneath a stiff prick? A gooseberry! :D

[KoTeLja_VL]

There once was a man from The Dean,
Who on bus met someone mean?
The man wore a coat
And an ugly felt hat
And stole a seat causing a scene.

[KoTeLja_VL]

The class is sick and getting worse.
We all should go to see the nurse.
We're sure we should go home today.
It could be fatal if we stay.
We're nauseated, nearly ill.
We have a fever and a chill.
We have a cold. We have the flu.
We're turning green. We're turning blue.
We have the sweats. We have the shakes.
We're coming down with bellyaches.
Our knees are weak, our vision's blurred,
our throats are sore, our voices slurred.
And did we mention this to you?
We all have migraine headaches too.
We're strewn with head lice, ticks and mites.
We're covered in mosquito bites.
We have a cough, a creak, a croak,
A reddish rash from poison oak,
A feeble head, a weakened heart.
We may just faint or fall apart.
We sprained our ankles, stubbed our toes,
and soon we'll start to decompose.
And one more thing we have today
that makes us have to go away
that's just as bad as all the rest,
we also have a science test

[~xX`.:§¤§:.`Xx~]

Not mine!

In a castle that had a deep moat
Lived a chicken a duck and a goat.
They wanted to go out
And wander about
But all they needed was a boat.

There was a young girl from Oliver,
And all the men did follow her,
Until a guy came along,
And played her his song,
And all the rest quit call'n her.

There one was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed of eating his shoe,
he awoke with a fright,
in the middle of the night,
and found that his dream had come true!

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

[~xX`.:§¤§:.`Xx~]

Again Not Mine!


There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save". :@pp :@pp

There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she'd ask "Do yo wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
called her a "HO"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies came only from God.
T'wasn't the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie.
T'was Roger the Lodger by god! :^lulja3