Joke of the Day .

[Blendi]

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said, "Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll smash your face in!"

[Blendi]

A little old lady went to a grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the checkout counter. The girl at the cash register said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat." The little old lady went home, picked up the cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day she tries to buy three cans of dog food. Again the cashier demands proof that she has a dog, because sometime old people eat dog food. She went home and brought in the dog. She then got the dog food. The next day she brought in a small box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, "That smells like shit." The little old lady said, "it is!. Now can I buy three rolls of toilet paper?"

[Blendi]

The scientist and his research staff were interacting with the recently landed aliens to gain information about their lifestyle when the question of reproduction came up. Finding it difficult to understand the oral description, the head researcher said "Why not just demonstrate for us?" The male alien then proceeded to intertwine his antennae with those of the female alien and after about 30 seconds of flying sparks a large sack begins to form on the female's back and two minutes later the sack breaks open and out pops a miniature alien. "That is how we reporduce. How is it done here on earth?", asked the aliens. The head scientist looks at his attractive female assistant and says "In the interest of scientific interchange I think we should demonstrate, don't you?" The sex-starved assistant is more than willing and after the climax of 30 minutes of heated passion the research scientist pants "There, that (pant) is how we do it (pant) on earth." "But where is the offspring?" asks the alien. "Oh, the gestation period is about 270 earth days", answers the scientist. "What!" exclaims the alien. "If you have to wait 270 earth days, then why were you in such a hurry at the end?"

[Blendi]

Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

[Blendi]

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?" He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?" Again he declines. "No, thanks. It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. "Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes...?" Once more, he declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well, then", she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm fucking STARVING!"

[Blendi]

The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll take care of him in the morning."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


A man got a job in the sales promotion department of a cola soft-drink company. When he asked about his duties, the manager explained. "Oh! It's an easy job! All you have to is call on ten women buyers every day, and knock Seven-Up!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A cock". He is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well. A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says "A pee-pee" He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock." She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Joke Of The Day
**********************

A man comes home after a hard day's work, and is looking forward to relaxing. He pours himself a glass of wine, eats a delicious home-cooked meal prepared by his wife, and goes up to his bedroom, where he and his wife have separate beds. His wife follows him up a few minutes later. "Honey-woney," the man says, "I just want to thank you for fixing me such a delicious meal. I am blessed to have such a wife as you." He then turns out the light and tries to sleep. After several minutes he finds he can't nod off. "Sweetie pie," he calls out, "I'm lonely." His wife gets out of bed and makes her way across the room, but she slips and bangs her nose. "Did my little bunny fall and hurt her nosey-wosey?" the man asks, as his wife climbs in bed with him. There follows a three-hour session of hardcore sex. When the couple have finished, the wife heads back over to her own bed, and as she goes she slips up a second time. "Clumsy bitch," the man mutters.

[Blendi]

There is a new virus going around called WORK. If you receive any sort of WORK, whether via e-mail, the Internet, or simply handed to you by a colleague, do not open it. Those who have opened WORK have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter WORK via e-mail or are faced with any WORK at all, purge the virus by sending an e-mail to your boss with the words 'This is too much for me, I'm going out for a soda. This better not be here when I get back.' Your brain should automatically delete the WORK. If you receive WORK in paper document form, simply lift the document and drag the WORK to your trash can. Send this message to all your friends in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then the WORK virus has already corrupted your life!

[nimf]

Fed Ex and UPS are gonna unite together and form Fed Up

[glaukus 001]

E di se si thone per historine e emertimeve te ketyre 2 kompanive ?


-- Fed Ex (Federal Express ) kuptohet qe lindi ne 1 shtet te Usa-s dhe u krijua nga 1 burre pak i shendoshe dhe qe kur ishte ne shkolle te gjithe e tallnin per trupin e tij. Por me zgjuarsine e tij ky person themeloi nje shoqeri postare dhe qe per ironi ia vuri emrin Fat Ass . Me kalimin e kohes ajo shoqeri u rrit dhe u transformua nder kompanite me te sukseshme duke u shtrire ne te tera shtetet e Usa-s , prandaj edhe emri iu ndryshua ne Fed Ass. Por edhe keshtu nuk mund te lihej pasi fjala ass ka ngjyrim banal prandaj edhe u gjet fjala me e pershtatshme Fed Ex -> Ex Fat.
Sot askush nuk krruhet me me ish-djalin bullafiq, por te gjithe duan ta bejne shok.



-- Kompania tjeter konkurente UPS (United Parcel Service) ka histori me te shkurter. Thone se themeluesi i saj thoshte vazhdimisht fjalen "oops dhe pasi degjoi edhe kengen e sukseshme " Opps i did it again" , te Britney Spears , vendosi perfundimisht qe emri i kompanise te jete OOPS , por pak i ndryshuar qe te dukej pak me ... zyrtar --> pra UPS (what can brown do for you).



-------
ju kujtoj se asnje nga historite e mesiperme nuk ka vertetesi historike por ... jane thjesht hamendje te miat.
have a nice day

[Mjellma]

"British Airways"


A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex
life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.


The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The
card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went
the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last
drop."


Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.


The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and
the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her
husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack:"Extra
Long. King Size".


She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.


The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a
whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky
handwriting were the words "British Airways". Mom took out her latest
Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst,
and finally found the ad for British Airways.


The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted .....