A blind man was flying in the cockpit seat of a private plane when the pilot moaned and said, "I'm having a heart attack." The sightless man checked for a pulse on the aviator and then fumbled for the radio. "Help me, someone!" he yelled. "I'm blind, and my pilot has died. Now I think I'm flying upside down!" The tower from the airfield heard him and asked, "If you're blind, how can you tell you're upside down?" "Because", he cried, "The sh*t is running UP my back!"
.
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he offered to pay paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "You received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain later," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
There is this mashroom and it walks into a bar and the bartender says: "I'm sorry we don't serve mashrooms".
And the mashroom says: "Why not, I'm a fungi" (read: fun guy)
Well behaved women never made history.
-What's the differnce between a girlfrind and a wife?
-125 lb
Well behaved women never made history.
-what's the difference between a boyfrined and a husband?
-45 minutes
Well behaved women never made history.
A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left foot was on the right foot. She said, " Son , your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said, " Mom , stop joking. I know they're my feet!"
Where does a thought go when it's forgotten?
... A group of kindergarden children were on a class outing to their local police station where they saw pictures , tacked to a bulletin board of the most wanted was a photo of a wanted person. "Yes," answered the policeman . "Well," wondered the child , "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Where does a thought go when it's forgotten?
"In The Heart"
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Where does a thought go when it's forgotten?
"Food or Sex?"
I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after a hen, when my friend's wife came out to feed them. The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I stood there thinking to myself, "Damn! I hope I never get that hungry."
Where does a thought go when it's forgotten?
Regullat e Postimit
Pėrgjigju Duke Cituar
Krijoni Kontakt