Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
hahah
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English to Albanian translation
Sot, unė kam ardhur nė shtėpi pėr tė gjetur njė goditje I pėrdorur mė parė pėr tė pres jashtė nė shtratin tim me sy googly dhe njė gojė tė tėrhequr nė atė me njė shėnim qė tė lexoni "Sepse ju nuk mund tė gjeni njė vajzė e vėrtetė, unė e bėra atė qė kishit prettier, Mami Love. "FML
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
My girlfriend and I were happily dating together.But there was something bothering me:her hot younger sister.She wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses and she was really hot.One day my girlfriend called me over to her house.Her parents were away.As soon as I get in, my girlfriends sister came right AT me. She whispered in my ear, that she wanted to make love to me .I was stunned,frozen in shock. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My girlfriend was standing outside.With tears in her eyes she hugged me and said ''I'm so happy you passed my little test.Now,I completly trust you''.
The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
LOL![]()
A Quickie Please
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, Pal, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
A r e m y t e s t r e s u l t s b a c k?
Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house."
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
What are the similarities of BAR & BRA
1. Both words have the same alphabets
2. Both are drinking zones
3. Both have restricted timing for opening & closing
4. More importantly, Both makes Men crazy when open !!
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